Masturbation and no pleasure in clit

[Archer]

I feel nothing in my clit, i'v recently started Masturbating and I have felt nothing in my clit.
It makes me frustrated because other women do. I'm a teenager and wanted to know what to do. I feel good when I insert stuff and hit my cervix I think I almost orgasmed from it once. I'm breast aren't sensitive expect for this one rare time what do I do. My cervix doesn't hurt either and my labia feels nothing.

[KierC]

Hi Archer, and welcome to the boards!

I’m sorry to hear that this has been a frustrating aspect of exploring masturbation, but I want to reassure you that you are absolutely not alone in this experience.

It makes me frustrated because other women do.

I hear you that, especially when we see other people have a certain sexual response, it can be easy to start comparing. But I want to gently dismantle the idea that sexual response looks one certain way — it’s true that some people experience pleasure from the clitoris, but other people don’t experience it that way, and instead experience more pleasure from other erogenous zones. In other words, it’s okay to have certain erogenous zones that feel more pleasurable to you and others that feel less great, or just don’t feel good at all. If it helps, too, we have this resource that goes through sexual anatomy and pleasure from more of a whole-body perspective: With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body

Something interesting to note here, too, is that the clitoris is much larger than previously thought — while sometimes we might think of the clitoris as just the part that protrudes from the vulva, in fact the clitoris has a larger internal part as well, and it can engage pleasurable feelings in your vulva and vagina. All that to say, it is possible that you may be feeling parts of your clitoris engage during vaginal entry as well. Here’s another article that gives a great overview of the clitoris and other parts of your sexual anatomy! Innies & Outies: The Vagina, Clitoris, Uterus, and More!

All of this to say, there is much to explore with the whole clitoris, but if it really just doesn’t feel great, that’s okay! In general with exploring masturbation, it’s best (and most pleasurable for you) to focus on the areas that feel good. Different erogenous zones are often connected, too, so my best advice would be to keep exploring what feels good, and those feelings may very well expand. How does that sound?

[Archer]

Amazing thank you. I also suffer from depression so do you have any resources that show how it effects pleasure.

[Andy]

I’m glad Kier’s response was helpful!

Anhedonia (= having trouble experiencing pleasure) is a common symptom of depression but the ways mood disorders can affect pleasure are so varied we don’t have a resource specifically about that, but I think you might find this one useful anyway: I Feel Good: Pleasure and Fulfillment
It talks about pleasure from both sexual and non-sexual perspectives, offers ideas how to experience more of it and touches on reasons why experiencing it might be harder, including mental health issues.

Also, I would like to ask if you have any professional support in dealing with the depression?

[Archer]

No, I live in a abusive household so no.

[KierC]

Hey Archer,

I’m so sorry to hear this. Nobody deserves to be in an abusive home, especially with people who are supposed to be taking care of us. I also hear you that being in a home where you don’t feel safe can make it really difficult to experience pleasure or even just get care and support, and can absolutely contribute to depression. Do you want to talk more about what you’re experiencing at home?

We do have this resource for people witnessing or experiencing abuse, The Scarleteen Safety Plan, that goes through how to navigate living in an abusive environment (the link I sent is the one specifically for when you live with them). This article goes through some more practical things you can do to keep yourself safe and healthy. It can also help you think about how to reach out and get help if you feel like you want to tell someone what’s going on.

Too, I’d like to send you this resource for Anxiety and Other Mental Health Resources I hear you that, because of home, you can’t access in-person support right now. This resource has a bunch of resources, not just for anxiety, and can help if in-person professional support isn’t an option right now. How does that sound?

Also, on the note of depression impacting pleasure, I love the resource that Andy sent — too, you’re absolutely not alone here either. It can be really hard to get excited about a fantasy or feel pleasure while experiencing depression, and some people report feeling dampened sexual response during times of depression. I can search around for some more resources too.

[Archer]

Thank you, this made me feel heard. I am a bit scared to talk about it since my mental health has been declining I'm prone to panicking and hallucinating about stuff like sex. So it made me feel good to speak about it with someone who might have more experience with this stuff.

[Archer]

Also how do you find out if you have erogenous zones

[KierC]

Hi Archer,

I hear you that with mental health struggles it’s been even harder to think about things around sex without feeling pretty distressed. Too, I should’ve mentioned earlier, if and when you ever feel like you want to seek confidential professional mental health support, some ways to do this without alerting the people in your home could potentially be a school counselor or a primary care physician, and we can certainly talk you through the confidentiality risks involved with each before you do so, if you’d like that.

Also, if you’re feeling especially panicked in the moment, it’s perfectly okay to step back for a bit — you don’t need to be sexual or do sexual things unless you want to, and it’s okay to have periods of time where you step back from sexual activity, especially if it’s causing anxiety. Sex, either with a partner or by yourself, can be a really wonderful thing, but sometimes we just need some other ways of seeking pleasure too. Does that make sense?

On erogenous zones: an erogenous zone is any part of your body (zone) that, when stimulated, can produce sexual feelings, arousal, and pleasure. So, if you’ve felt arousal from touching a part of your body, you’ve got erogenous zones!

Erogenous zones can be more obvious places on your body like the breasts, vulva, vagina, and anus, but there are other areas too that can produce these feelings, like the ear, back of the neck, back of the knee, wrists, stomach, back, etc. These are highly individualized too! For example, one person may *love* being touched on the ears and feel pleasure from this, while someone else might not feel much from it, and instead feel pleasure from other areas on the body.

You may be able to find erogenous zones on your body by experimenting with different touches across your body — noticing (with curiosity, not judgment) how each part feels, and if anything produces an extra feeling. Too, you can also observe how different parts of your body feel when being touched by sheets, clothing, or even feeling the wind on a part of your body. How does that sound?

I sent this above, but the article With Pleasure has a section called “Tingly Bits” that explains more about erogenous zones too and how to find yours!

[Sam W]

Hi Archer,

In addition to all the really good advice Kier gave above, I want to ask if you've had a chance to read the safety plan yet. Are there steps in the "safety before you leave: getting help and support from others" section that you're already doing? If not, are there one or two that feel doable or that you'd like us to help you with?