Content/trigger warning: catcalling, harassment.
Hi…
I got catcalled/harassed at a mall today, during a romantic date with the person I’m dating. Below is my documentation of the event (written for myself), written immediately afterwards.
“At [name of mall], [person I’m dating] and I were approached by a group of teen appearing, boy appearing, people. One of them stated, “Ladies?” As they approached, a different one stated, “Ladies and gentlemen?” I corrected them, “No, just ladies.” One of them asked whether we were dating, and I responded “What do you care?” One of them said, “Just ladies?” seemingly confused, and the group moved on while looking at us and making dog noises.”
I feel upset about this — the person I’m dating was very understanding and supportive of me, but I don’t get to talk to them a lot, so I feel less able to talk to them about it.
This is also bringing up complicated feelings around my gender presentation for me, I would love to dress more “femininely” (quotes because there isn’t one correct or true way to dress in a feminine way), but I feel hesitant because of behavior like I experienced today.
This is my first time being catcalled/harassed, and I still feel kinda shocked, and it’s affecting my overall feelings of how the date went. I’ve read a lot about the patriarchy and have heard a lot about harassment of girls/women/nonbinary people, but actually experiencing in person feels different.
I’m hoping to get some support and thoughts about this.
- AQ
Got catcalled at a mall (CW/TW: Catcalling, harassment)
Forum rules
This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.
This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.
This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
-
Asking Queries
- not a newbie
- Posts: 73
- Joined: Sun Apr 09, 2023 9:15 am
- Awesomeness Quotient: I like rocks
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: She/her
- Sexual identity: Transfem, lesbian/bisexual
- Location: United States
Got catcalled at a mall (CW/TW: Catcalling, harassment)
“… we need to recognize that adolescents, like all human beings, need strong social bonds. To provide youth with such bonds—at an interpersonal and societal level—is the work of us all.” - Amy T. Schalet, Not Under My Roof.
-
Latha
- scarleteen staff/volunteer
- Posts: 681
- Joined: Sat May 22, 2021 6:13 am
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: Queer
- Location: India
Re: Got catcalled at a mall (CW/TW: Catcalling, harassment)
Hi AQ,
What strange and rude behavior from these people! From the questions about your relationship and gender to the dog noises... I'm sorry you had to deal with all that, and I understand why it might have made you feel uncomfortable or even afraid. Still, I really hope this won't discourage you from exploring your gender presentation and dressing more femininely.
For what it's worth, you could start dressing the way you like in private places, like your own place or the home of an accepting friend. And you might be less likely to encounter these sorts of people at places that are explicitly LGBTQ friendly,
When this kind of harassment happens, you can try to respond to the person catcalling you, or you could just try to ignore them. One option isn't necessarily better than the other, but always think first about your safety. If you're alone or outnumbered, or if the people harassing you seem to be aggressive or drunk, prioritize getting out of there.
What strange and rude behavior from these people! From the questions about your relationship and gender to the dog noises... I'm sorry you had to deal with all that, and I understand why it might have made you feel uncomfortable or even afraid. Still, I really hope this won't discourage you from exploring your gender presentation and dressing more femininely.
For what it's worth, you could start dressing the way you like in private places, like your own place or the home of an accepting friend. And you might be less likely to encounter these sorts of people at places that are explicitly LGBTQ friendly,
When this kind of harassment happens, you can try to respond to the person catcalling you, or you could just try to ignore them. One option isn't necessarily better than the other, but always think first about your safety. If you're alone or outnumbered, or if the people harassing you seem to be aggressive or drunk, prioritize getting out of there.