Scarleteen

but the recent experience keeps disturbing me. days ago one of my girl friends (NOT GIRLFRIEND) fondled my inner thighs and then went up to my clitoris. i thought it was just for fun. to my surprise that turned me on. finally she fingered me and i felt joyful. does it mean i may be bisexsual? by the way i only dating guys and had boyfriends before that.

Hi ellieww,

So, while we can certainly talk about how people come to understand their sexual orientation, I want to check first: was this interaction with your friend something you consented to? Or is this something she did without checking with you first?

hi,
i neither consented nor refused, just did not stop her. no she did not checked with me. well i don't think its a problem because we are very close friends.

So, even if we're close to someone, they still need to check with us before doing something sexual with us; even when we're dating someone, we still have to ask before doing something sexual (and if they're just sitting or laying there rather than actively, positively engaged in what's happening, we need to stop because consent isn't the absence of a no, it's the presence of a yes). So that wasn't okay behavior on her part. Even if you ultimately feel okay with what happened, I do think you need to talk with her and make it clear that she can't do things like that again without asking first. Do you feel like you can have that conversation with her?

ok i will talk with her.

it still concerns me whether im bisexual ...

So, the tricky thing is, while we can certainly offer information and context to help you work out what, if any, word you want to use to describe your sexual orientation, you're ultimately the expert on it and get to decide how you describe it.

I think a good starting place would be to read through the "when and how do you know" section of this article: The Rainbow Connection: Orientation for Everyone, and then we can take the conversation from there!

Have you been able to talk with your friend about what happened?