Scarleteen

This might be a little lengthy, sorry about that. I'm an eighteen year old female and I essentially cannot masturbate. I've read erotic stuff and watched porn and I can feel myself getting horny, but I don't actually feel any pleasure when I try and finger myself. It's like I don't even get wet. I've tried the electric toothbrush thing and it just doesn't seem to work. Since I'm eighteen, I've thought about getting a vibrator but I just don't know where to get one or which one to get, especially since I still live at home with my parents. I've also never had a boyfriend/girlfriend or anything and have never kissed anyone so it's kind of frustrating because I feel like I'm behind romantically and alone. I just am unsure what to do because I want to masturbate and I do get horny, but I just can't.

Hi Avafruits, and welcome to the boards!

I’m sorry to hear that masturbating hasn’t felt good — I hear you that it’s really irritating when you’re aroused and want to, but it just doesn’t feel great.

Consuming sexual media to make you aroused is a great first start! It’s really important to make sure you’re aroused and “have the stage set” so-to-speak, before you masturbate, so this is a good step. Too, if digital insertion is feeling a bit dry and uncomfortable, adding a lubricant (more on how to acquire this later) can go a long way to making insertion more comfortable. Sometimes, as well, it can help to explore other areas first to prime yourself for digital insertion, more setting the stage!

In addition to digital entry and the electric toothbrush, have you tried any other methods to make masturbation more pleasurable? There are *so* many ways to masturbate, and if you find that one method doesn’t feel good, the good news is that there can be a lot more to try, both with and without toys. Here’s an article we have that outlines a bunch of different ways one can masturbate — it might spark some ideas! Going Solo: The Basics of Masturbation

On getting a vibrator! Since you’re 18 you can visit a local sex store if you have them in your area — there is an option to purchase toys online, and they can be sent in discreet packaging, but if you live at home with your parents and are concerned about mail getting intercepted, an in-person store may be a great option. Does that sound doable?

A feminist sex store will have employees who can educate too, and talk you through different options, and will do their work to make sure you feel safe and comfortable while shopping. They’ll have toys for different kinds of stimulation, both external and internal, vibrating or not, and it’s okay to ask questions there too! You can also pick up a lubricant there, if that’s something you want to do, to make insertion, and masturbation in general, more comfortable. How does all of that sound?

On a final note, I empathize with the feeling of behind and alone — do you want to talk more about this?

Truthfully, there is no perfect timeline for starting to engage in romance and intimacy. Too, we always emphasize this, but I feel like it rings true especially here, that it’s a good practice to “be your own first” with sex and intimacy, and you’re doing that! So, I hear you that it may feel like you’re behind but, truly, you are exploring yourself just like everyone else is.