Scarleteen

I don’t think I was actually going to be in a 4 year LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP with a guy from yubo(social media/dating(?) app)

But there’s a problem, our age gap is 3 years.

I was 13 on facetime with a long distance friend, and she told me that she was talking to guys on yubo, so me being a curious girl, I downloaded the app and set up my profile.

I also decided that I was going to be “15 years old”

I am in the wrong. I still regret it to this day and I am so ashamed of what I’ve done, because at first I had just wanted to talk to people and have small chit chat convos with strangers, I was a bored kid who had all access to social media very young.

I met this guy(let’s call him Z) on yubo, and it said on his profile that he was 16.

Z is now my current boyfriend.

Our relationship has to be the most bumpiest ride because I had rejected this man 3 times.

When we first met, I just wanted a fling, nothing more, I wanted someone to compliment me. But I had realized that this was a good honest man I had been tricking into thinking that I am in love with.

And he didn’t know my real age.

So after less than a year of talking, I told him we couldn’t be ‘together’ We weren’t officially together, but we had often sexted and it got to a point where we were sending explicit images to each other consensually. I didn’t explain to him why I was leaving, I just said some dumb excuse and left.

He decided to text back when I was 15, and he did this by commenting on a youtube video I made requesting I give him a deserved explanation after some time. Some serious time had passed (2 years felt long to me, the maturity leap from 8th grade to sophomore year is wild, especially during covid) And I realized I could forgive myself from this horrible relationship decision, so I told him the truth. He was apprehensive and upset, rightfully so, he could get arrested. But he still wanted to talk to me, even knowing how old I was.

He was 17 turning 18, and I had turned 15.

So we continued our conversations, and once again we had developed “spicy” feelings for one another, not relationship feelings. But I had realized how weird and awful our age gap was. I had tried thinking about all the ways I could’ve maybe fell into his manipulation, driving myself crazy into thinking I didn’t truly love my boyfriend, and I was gaslit.

So I decided to leave again, letting him know about the gap and how it made me feel. Every time I had rejected him he had handled it with grace and sensitivity. He never made it about him.


And that’s why I am so so confused now.

I turned 17, and he’s 20 turning 21 this year.

He decided to respond to my insta note “having the same name as spiderman is pretty cool” last year in March, and instead of a request for information, he was letting me know he had the same name as spiderman.


From 15 to 17, my life had been filled from just [edited out descriptions of drug use]. I’m not sure when in my mind I realized that this was a severe addiction. But I didn’t care and I didn’t stop. but I’m writing letting you know that drugs do make you think differently and you are not yourself. Because I cared back then about his well being and mine. But I’m not sure I care about the repercussions from this age gap anymore. And in October we met for the first time. And for the first time I had sex.

This is a crime. I had committed a crime.


But at this point I was also [descriptions of drug use] inside the house, I had skipped so many days from school that it should've been illegal to send me to summer school and not straight to a psych ward or jail.

I am from India, my thinking and values don’t align with my actions at all. And I don’t feel guilty either.

But our relationship long distance has been a wreck, and I am so so tired of talking to a screen instead of my boyfriend.

That’s a very convoluted summary of our relationship, and so here are memories i cherish,

•being on call together, we can either be in our own worlds, or [drug use] together playing a card game

•playing video games together, we play fortnite and helldivers, and sometimes roblox fashion famous

•He has this gentleness about him, I think me and him would be best friends if we were toddlers

•My family is a lot, but I am close knit with them, I tell them everything. He was raised with two sisters and a mom, his dad left during highschool. Me and his older sister(25) get along great, we bonded over monster high.

•His values align great with mine. We bounce off of each other.

I’m secure in this relationship, it’s content and familiar, but I am still a minor.

Should I break up? I still have a very long life ahead of me, and I haven’t even explored all parts of my sexuality yet. Z and I have been talking about marriage and children.


I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say exactly after writing this, But I feel nauseous and relief.

Let me know what you think, It’s almost 4 am and i have summer school. thanks for reading.

Hi shartyfartpoop, and welcome to the boards

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had a pretty tumultuous last few years in this relationship, but I’m glad that you’re here and that getting this out is relieving.

When you say “this is a crime, I committed a crime:” As you’re a minor currently and he is not, you’re not the one who committed a crime technically. Too, you didn’t pass yourself off as an adult either, if I read your post correctly. Know what I mean?

But I think, in all of this, the bigger concern is how this has all been making you feel, and how the vaping and pot usage has been getting entangled with your decision-making. When it comes to deciding what to do moving forward, the only person who can decide that is you, but you’ll want that decision to be informed by how you’re feeling in this relationship, if you feel respected, calm, happy, etc. Does that make sense?

You said something really important too: that you still have a lot of time to explore yourself and your sexuality. Your desires and needs for your life should come first, and if you feel like you want to explore other options, you can absolutely do that. Do you feel like you want to explore more options and/or end the relationship?

With the vaping and pot use, I hear you that it’s getting entangled with the decisions you’re making at school and in your relationship. You are right that drugs can impact your ability to see situations clearly, but in any situation, you are in charge of your decisions. On that note, though, do you feel like you’d want resources or support if you’d like to lessen or stop vaping/weed?