I think this is going to be more of a diary-entry post of sorts but would love to hear other's experiences/thoughts if things arise while reading my post
I've been thinking a lot lately how close relationships, despite sometimes being the cause of some heartaches and bruising of egos, are the exact thing that will liberate us. Now, I am not here to advocate for heartbreak as the only way to our liberation because I know exactly how painful the path of heartbreak is. However, I am here to say that heartbreak and pain can be some of our greatest teachers. In allowing ourselves to feel deeply into what lies underneath heartbreak and associated pains, we often come out the other end with a deeper understanding of ourselves and a strong connection to what we find most valuable. This for me has been establishing open and vulnerable relationships despite knowing that when I open myself up fully, I am inviting heartbreak into the room as well.
Sure, heartbreak can often cause us to close up and feel like we need to take time to ourselves. And there's some space for that too. Allowing yourself to take time to really feel is often necessary to then take us to the next step of acceptance. After my last breakup (over a year ago now), I took time for myself to just feel all the feels. and oh boy! were there many to feel! It took time for me to process each of the things that came up like grief, anger, disappointment, desolate sadness. During this time, I relied on my closest friends and to be honest, closed up to wanting to meet new people. Acceptance was not easy for me, and in fact, took me many months before I could start to see glimpses into that knowing. The thing that made the process more difficult for me was that I was telling myself I was okay with the circumstances but I wasn't feeling the acceptance. I was essentially pushing away what I really felt in order to rush the process to acceptance - something that cannot be rushed. I now know that acceptance is a felt understanding not a mental decision.
Once I really felt acceptance - like the felt experience of being okay with all that has gone down even if I didn't understand it or like it - I felt such an immense expansion of my heart. It took me surrendering to all that had happened and freeing myself of the could-have-beens and the should-have-beens to come into a space of full open heartedness. It's incredible how much freedom I have found in the act of surrendering! I have been able to find so much trust in knowing that I am capable of healing from heartbreak and that the aches and pains of life are all part of the dance of being and existing with other humans. We are bound to breaking each other's hearts again and again. Let those moments of heartbreak guide you to deeper understanding of yourself and take time to find some release amidst the pain.
So, I really wanted to post this to let you know that if you're in the midst of heartbreak and you're feeling like there's just no end to it - like this is your new reality now - trust. Because that's it, surrendering and accepting takes trust in knowing you are capable of feeling deeply and have immense capacity in your heart to heal. It's okay too if these words aren't quite what you want to hear because, let's be real, heartbreak sucks. If you take nothing else from this post, know that by feeling into your heartbreak, you are beginning the work of healing, and in turn, also contributing to the collective act towards our liberation. If we open ourselves up, we are inviting in heartbreak, AND we are also inviting in unconditional love. Don't let your mind distract you from the heartfelt understanding of acceptance and unconditional love.
I believe loving each other will free us.
Sending you much much love!
ro