I have this fetish for Converse Chuck Taylors All-Stars shoes. How do I go without getting addicted or being creepy?

[dazzlerazzle]

Hi, Scarleteen Forums,

So, I have heard about this online forum community when I was 14. So to start on with my story, my fetish started in high school when I was a sophomore and was waiting at a bus stop with my classmate from engineering class Justin. Nearby, I saw his sister Jasmine, a senior at the time, and wearing a solid green short sleeve polo, lime green skinny jeans from Hollister (Note: I was able to easily figure out Jasmine was wearing Hollister women's jeans by seeing the notable back pocket stitching patterns on the pockets called ”arcuates”. Here is what I am referring to. https://i.pinimg.com/736x/62/da/ac/62da ... db805d.jpg), and black high top Converse shoes. The combination, especially Jasmine's Converse shoes turned me on. Shortly after, I would get sexually aroused whenever I see a relatively attractive woman wear Converse shoes. I was glad yet confused to how to make sense of my newfound fetish.

I would secretly pursue my fetish in private by searching for pictures of young women and teen girls (I was 17 at the time I was doing this, so nothing illegal) wearing Converse shoes. Let me elaborate why I personally, find Converse shoes arousing and exotic on women. For me, Converse shoes evoke a casual, fun, youthful, and rebellious vibe that I enjoy seeing in a woman. I know there is this idea or stereotype that some women enjoy being into “bad boys”, and I think I might have a thing for women who are or at least appear to give off the “bad girl” vibe, and in my view, nothing gives off that rebellious bad girl vibe more than seeing a pretty chick wearing a pair of chucks. Furthermore, I would even get horny to the point where I would jerk off while lustfully looking at pictures of attractive women wearing Converse shoes on my smartphone's screen. Many years later when I was 23, I vented about my fetish for Converse shoes on this “Newbie Users” section of this supposedly well-known and sex-positive online forum called FetLife and only one person, a moderator I presume responded to my thread posting a meme about how men with shoe/feet fetishes tend to be uh hem... rather creepy to be around, and that most women in Westernized countries are not interested in assisting a man who is a stranger to them fulfill a foot fetish or shoe fetish fantasy.

Now, I want to make it clear that I completely respect the concept of affirmative consent and the importance of not coming across to potential partners as creepy or coercive. But that meme that the moderator from FetLife sent really made me feel insecure about my sexual desires. As a straight man, if I see an attractive young woman wearing Converse, I would never approach her in a creepy, discomforting, or unusual way in a public setting as that is socially unacceptable and is also a violation of the Golden Rule (Treat others as you would like them to treat oneself). Also, when it came to researching on masturbation, I found this online mental health youth ministry called The Hope Line that strongly discourages people from masturbating due to them claiming that it may be potentially addictive from activating the pleasure-reward centers of the brain (the dopaminergic mesolimbic and mesocortial pathways of the nervous system). That said, it is important to note that The Hope Line is a theologically conservative Protestant Christian (the Evangelical kind) ministry, so they may have a “biblical literalist” bias when it comes to sensitive cultural issues.

I don't want to get addicted to masturbation or sexual fantasies where it interferes with my work and personal lives. I would really appreciate insight about these questions.

1. From a sex-positive perspective, is it morally acceptable for me to have this particular shoe fetish?
2. Is it OK for me to enjoy my fetish (within moderation)?
3. Should I worry about my would be masturbation habit going out of hand due to pursuing my fetish?

[Sam W]

Hi dazzlerazzle,

It wasn't great that a moderator on that other site decided that the way to respond to you was with a very unhelpful generalization! It sounds like you've been getting some conflicting and, frankly, inaccurate messages about sexual preferences and masturbation, so let's see if we can untangle some of those.

First, a word on terminology: a fetish refers specifically to an object that someone needs in order to feel sexual gratification. If they can feel it without it--even if they really, really, prefer that object be present--then it's sexual preference rather than a fetish.

All that being said, there's nothing inherently wrong with finding someone wearing a particular shoe to be arousing. What we do, and don't, find arousing is incredibly varied and personal. There's also nothing wrong with engaging with this interest, either during masturbation or with a consenting partner. After all, if you enjoy seeing a partner in those shoes, and they either enjoy or are happy to wear them because you like it, then there's no harm in that, you know?

As far as what you learned at that hotline, you can go ahead and toss all that information out, because it is garbage. It's just the latest iteration of an old phenomenon where people who are morally opposed to masturbation make up reasons why it's bad for your health to masturbate to try and scare people away from the most common human sexual behavior. Yes, masturbation activates a pleasure response. So does hugging, playing with your pet, eating a food you love, and a whole host of other activities we engage in; masturbation is no more addictive than any of them. I actually talk about that in more detail in this piece, if you're curious: I'm an abuse survivor, and I'm worried about sexual addiction.

Now, there can be instances where masturbation becomes a compulsion--a person is doing it without any real desire and more out of feeling that they have to--that can be an issue. And if someone is masturbating so much that they're routinely passing up on school, work, hanging out with friends, etc to masturbate, then that's an issue as well. But someone enjoying masturbation a lot, or doing it often? Not a cause for concern.