Scarleteen

i have a really hard time enjoying myself, i’m 16 years old and i don’t know how to pleasure myself, usually i also would watch porn and just squeeze my legs until i felt a relief which worked for me, but it isn’t normal and i’ve tried fingering and it doesn’t work. i got a vibrator and i’ve been using it trying different techniques and everything but it doesn’t work, i feel like a tingly sensation and i can’t keep the vibrator on because it feels like uncomfortable and like i can’t keep it on. i just want to be able to enjoy myself as a woman but i haven’t been able to do that, please help me

Hi there Elizabeth5678, and welcome to the boards

I’m sorry to hear you’ve been struggling to enjoy yourself, and I hear you that you want to be able to feel good!

I want to ask first, when you say that squeezing your legs together worked for you but “isn’t normal,” does that activity still feel good for you? Too, do you know where the idea that this isn’t normal is coming from?

I ask because truthfully, people use a lot of different techniques during masturbation, and it’s totally normal to use whatever technique feels good for you. Vaginal entry is not everyone’s preferred method of masturbation, and plenty of folks find that they enjoy different sensations, including squeezing their legs together, which can provide more of a compression feeling on the vulva and clitoris that people can find pleasurable, so you’re not alone in finding that enjoyable. With the vibrator feeling uncomfortable, too, it could also be that your clitoris is sensitive and the vibrator could be too much sensation, or that the vibration itself just doesn’t feel as good as that compression feeling.

We have a great article on masturbation, too, that illustrates some of the many different methods folks use to masturbate: Going Solo: The Basics of Masturbation.

How does all of that sound to start?

Thank you so much for your input on this, when i say it doesn’t seem normal i think of masturbation just in terms of using your fingers or vibrator meaning that squeezing your legs isn’t what people usually do to masturbate, I will definitely read this article, tysm!!!

Hi Elizabeth5678!

I agree with KierC — what you're describing is a common way to masturbate (you'll see it mentioned in the article that KierC linked for you)! Your clitoris, which is what you're stimulating by squeezing your legs, has both an internal part and an external part and different people find that they prefer different types and different intensities of stimulation. It could be that touching the outside part of your clitoris directly with your fingers or your vibrator is too overstimulating, whereas squeezing your legs softens and diffuses the sensation enough to be enjoyable.

Masturbation is all about your pleasure and your pleasure only, so there's no need to change your style if you've found something that works. But if you'd like to explore other ways of masturbating for your own enjoyment, you could try using your fingers or vibrator on other parts of your vulva, rather than directly on your clitoris, or even try using them over your underwear or another barrier — that can also help diffuse the sensation. Another thing to keep in mind is that if you're touching your clitoris or vulva directly, using lube can help make things more comfortable and pleasurable.

Finally, I just want to say that although I completely understand the desire to be and act "normal," masturbation is an opportunity for you to explore and be creative and enjoy yourself in whatever ways you can! Think of masturbation as a special relationship that you have with your own body that you get to figure out. Even if you found a way of masturbating that no one else has ever tried, that wouldn't be a bad thing, that would be an amazing thing! We have a great article about what "being normal" means when it comes to sexuality (hint: diversity is normal! Everyone is different!) that I hope will help ease your worries about this: Am I normal? Who cares?.