Scarleteen

Hi.

So, I'm in a relationship with my boyfriend (I am a woman), and we've always been safe. Always using condoms; I'm on birth control (pills) and recently, we finally both got tested for STIs.

The thing is that he already told me multiples times that he would like to have sex without a condom to test out the feelings, and I will not lie, I'm also interested in it, especially since knowing that there's no risk on the STIs side.

But I'm also extremely worried that it could result in a pregnancy (I already met women that got pregnant despite being on birth control) and because of my current situation (living alone (we're in a long distance relationship) and I don't know if I would be emotionally ready to have an abortion, and if I don't, my mother will probably use it against me to start controlling me) I tend to be a little too worried about all of this.

And yet, I'm also interested in testing out a "no condom" times, and I want to be rational and not fear the pregnancy like that.

For that, I've been thinking that if we were having sex in some specific days, it could reduce even more the risk of a scare. But I'm not sure when in the month would be better because I feel like I'm misremembering what I learned in school, and I have a hard time grasping the articles I've read until now.

I thought that maybe, if we were doing it right after my period ended, it would be good, but now I'm doubting it.

Just in case, since I'm using pills (been on it for ten years now), my period are like clockwork. Since I've got with him and that we had to plan our weeks/weekend, I can accurately predict my period each month (when it starts, which day will be the worse, when it ends) and I still need to be mistaken on it.

So, based on my period regularity, would there potentially be a way to calculate the best time to have unprotected sex (while still being on birth control)?

Hi Kamille,

So, there is a method, called fertility awareness, where by tracking your menstrual cycle in a particular way, you're able to know which days you're most likely to be fertile and which you're least likely to be. In order to be effective, this method requires more than just tracking your cycle, and you can read about the whole process and what it involves here: Birth Control Bingo: Fertility Awareness.

That being said, the typical effectiveness of fertility awareness is lower than that of condoms, so you would be lowering your overall level of protection if you traded the one for the other. Too, even with testing, there are some STIs (such as HPV and Herpes) that are not going to be looked for in a standard STI panel, so the there is still an STI risk to going without a condom.

Given all that, my recommendation would be that you keep the condoms for the foreseeable future. You say yourself you're extremely worried about pregnancy, and that getting pregnant unintentionally could put you in a pretty bad position with your mom. When you're in that kind of situation, you want to keep that protection level up, not lower it by switching to combining the pill with a less effective method. And, to be frank, the difference in sensation between sex with a condom and sex without is often negligible in terms of sensation, and often more psychological than anything else. And if you really want to experience as little physical barrier as possible, there are ultra-thin condoms that still offer protection. Does all that make sense?