I Finally Did It!
Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 12:37 pm
Hi, everyone!
Last weekend, I finally did something that I never thought I'd have the courage to do: I finally ended things with my partner! I admit, I shed a few tears before doing it; but the entire process went much smoother than I could have ever anticipated. I had even scripted out a very nice - too nice, in fact - text to him; saying that as much as I loved hanging out wih him, that I had decided that I wanted a relationship at this point in my life and that I knew he didn't want that from me, so I didn't think we should hang out anymore. I had thought that he would have responded with name-calling, threats, cyber-abuse, telling me I wasn't even that good at sex, etc. ... But all he said? "Ok." LOL. I was stunned at how easily he let me go. It just further proved to me that I had been wasting my time caring so much for him when he so obviously didn't care for me; and had only used me for physical pleasure. I couldn't believe how amazing I felt, even a few minutes after he answered; because I suddenly realized how free I was and how freeing that felt. I mean, yeah, I liked giving him oral sex and stuff; but that's inconsequential because I can get that from a future boyfriend or partner when I'm ready. I just had no idea how far entrenched into that Friends With Benefits relationship I had been. Like, I knew it had been deep, but to feel so incredulously and inexplicably free after getting myself out... I just couldn't believe it.
I don't have to wake up to random texts at 2 AM and then feel guilty if I say "no" to not meeting him for sex. I don't have to worry about someone continuously not giving a flying flip about my boundaries; I don't have to worry ever, ever again about someone whining about not using condoms or not wanting to do X for me. The fact that I don't ever have to worry about those things ever again makes me tear up now. The absolute nightmares I had gone through will never have to happen again, because I never want to have another guy treat me the way he did. In fact, I want to thank him in a way, because now I know exactly how I DON'T want to be treated; and I've come to the conclusion that he did abuse me - maybe not physically but definitely emotionally, and manipulated me into doing some pretty awful things. I am very close with his family. His sister is a good friend. For years I had felt guilty because I was having a secret relationship with her brother behind her back. I obviously still loved her very much and felt like I was being a terrible person. For some reason he had made me feel like everything I was doing was okay. I kept worrying about how our same social circle would blow up if anyone found out; and that terrified me. All the pain he put me through... It's so not worth it just because I like giving him oral sex.
I am now dating a really nice guy, who is actually so respectful of my boundaries (wanting to use condoms for when we do have sex, willing to wait until I'm comfortable with having sex and then exploring that option) that it baffles me; and this again shows me how insane I was to stay with a guy who was so disrespectful of me. I keep telling him how nice he is, and he sometimes says, "All I'm doing is respecting your boundaries, which is what people should be doing." This again makes me realize how bad off I really had been. It's really nice to have a public, real relationship with someone who likes me and not a secret, purely casual relationship with someone who only viewed me as an object.
I also wanted to post this because, though I know this relationship with my past partner was not nearly as detrimental as I'm sure other relationships are, I wanted to tell other people that I too have felt stuck in a relationship that I thought would never end; that I thought I could never get out of due to fear of retaliation, threats, etc. Now that I'm on the other side of it - even if I wasn't dating someone now - the relief and idea that I finally have control over my body and my mind is so valuable; and that is worth fighting for. I was trapped in a bad situation for so long that it took quite a few red flags for me to finally leave. I actually don't miss him at all. Sure, I think of him sometimes, but I honestly count this as the hugest blessing ever that I am finally free of him.
So, I just wanted to post that here; and also get that off of my chest. It was like I had been in a cage for a really long time and I am now finally freed from it.
Last weekend, I finally did something that I never thought I'd have the courage to do: I finally ended things with my partner! I admit, I shed a few tears before doing it; but the entire process went much smoother than I could have ever anticipated. I had even scripted out a very nice - too nice, in fact - text to him; saying that as much as I loved hanging out wih him, that I had decided that I wanted a relationship at this point in my life and that I knew he didn't want that from me, so I didn't think we should hang out anymore. I had thought that he would have responded with name-calling, threats, cyber-abuse, telling me I wasn't even that good at sex, etc. ... But all he said? "Ok." LOL. I was stunned at how easily he let me go. It just further proved to me that I had been wasting my time caring so much for him when he so obviously didn't care for me; and had only used me for physical pleasure. I couldn't believe how amazing I felt, even a few minutes after he answered; because I suddenly realized how free I was and how freeing that felt. I mean, yeah, I liked giving him oral sex and stuff; but that's inconsequential because I can get that from a future boyfriend or partner when I'm ready. I just had no idea how far entrenched into that Friends With Benefits relationship I had been. Like, I knew it had been deep, but to feel so incredulously and inexplicably free after getting myself out... I just couldn't believe it.
I don't have to wake up to random texts at 2 AM and then feel guilty if I say "no" to not meeting him for sex. I don't have to worry about someone continuously not giving a flying flip about my boundaries; I don't have to worry ever, ever again about someone whining about not using condoms or not wanting to do X for me. The fact that I don't ever have to worry about those things ever again makes me tear up now. The absolute nightmares I had gone through will never have to happen again, because I never want to have another guy treat me the way he did. In fact, I want to thank him in a way, because now I know exactly how I DON'T want to be treated; and I've come to the conclusion that he did abuse me - maybe not physically but definitely emotionally, and manipulated me into doing some pretty awful things. I am very close with his family. His sister is a good friend. For years I had felt guilty because I was having a secret relationship with her brother behind her back. I obviously still loved her very much and felt like I was being a terrible person. For some reason he had made me feel like everything I was doing was okay. I kept worrying about how our same social circle would blow up if anyone found out; and that terrified me. All the pain he put me through... It's so not worth it just because I like giving him oral sex.
I am now dating a really nice guy, who is actually so respectful of my boundaries (wanting to use condoms for when we do have sex, willing to wait until I'm comfortable with having sex and then exploring that option) that it baffles me; and this again shows me how insane I was to stay with a guy who was so disrespectful of me. I keep telling him how nice he is, and he sometimes says, "All I'm doing is respecting your boundaries, which is what people should be doing." This again makes me realize how bad off I really had been. It's really nice to have a public, real relationship with someone who likes me and not a secret, purely casual relationship with someone who only viewed me as an object.
I also wanted to post this because, though I know this relationship with my past partner was not nearly as detrimental as I'm sure other relationships are, I wanted to tell other people that I too have felt stuck in a relationship that I thought would never end; that I thought I could never get out of due to fear of retaliation, threats, etc. Now that I'm on the other side of it - even if I wasn't dating someone now - the relief and idea that I finally have control over my body and my mind is so valuable; and that is worth fighting for. I was trapped in a bad situation for so long that it took quite a few red flags for me to finally leave. I actually don't miss him at all. Sure, I think of him sometimes, but I honestly count this as the hugest blessing ever that I am finally free of him.
So, I just wanted to post that here; and also get that off of my chest. It was like I had been in a cage for a really long time and I am now finally freed from it.
