Scarleteen

ive never been able to feel sexual stimulation, but i'm always horny? like i can get wet and all, but whenever i try to use my fingers if hurts too much, and it's uncomfortable when i try rubbing. it hurts when i grind on stuff too, and i'm well into high school so it's getting a bit concerning. i've been gaining more sexual attention lately, and am scared that if and/or when the time comes that i won't feel anything and it will be awkward. can someone help me understand what's going on? because i am definitely not asexual!!!

Hi Starfire, welcome to the boards!

Yes, we can try to help you with this. To begin, I have a few questions:

• Have you noticed pain in other situations, like when you ride a bike?

• When you say 'using your fingers' do you mean inserting them into the vagina?

• Would you describe the pain a bit more? Is it sharp and sudden?

I understand why you think it would be awkward if this happened while you were with a partner, but it doesn't have to be a big deal. Bodies don't always act the way we expect them to, and a mature partner will understand that.

hi! thank you for answering!

1. no not really, but sometimes i get a jolt of pleasure but when i try to indulge in it it starts to be uncomfortable

2. yes that is what i mean

3. no it's more like if you get rug burn or something? or i just don't feel anything no matter the pressure or speed i do, and then i just stop trying

Starfire,

Do you work up to digital insertion, like making sure your body is properly lubricated and ready? It may help to try focusing more on clitoral stimulation, as some people just don't derive pleasure from penetration. From what you said in point 3, it sounds like you may be using too much force, which is making the experience uncomfortable. Have you tried varying the pressure you're using while masturbating?

i have but most of the time i just get turned off and frustrated

Hi Starfire,

You know, if this process is starting to frustrate you on top of not feeling all that great, then one thing that can help is to take a break from trying. In order for masturbation to be enjoyable, we have to be in a headspace that helps it be that way, something that just usually isn't possible if we're frustrated.

Speaking of headspace, it sounds like you usually start masturbating because you feel some level of arousal. When you masturbate are you engaging with something, like a fantasy or a piece of sexual media, that helps maintain that arousal? Or do you find you're not really focusing on anything and that your mind either wanders or lands in that bored/frustrated space?

Most of the time it's just a fantasy my mind but sometimes it is like a book or video, but I don't get aroused every time I consume that type of media, and I've only tried masturbating like 10 times in my life.

You know, if you've only tried masturbating a small number of times, part of what's likely going on here is that you're still in the process of learning what does and does not feel pleasurable to your body. It can take some time to explore the different ways of approaching masturbation and find the one(s) that feel best to your body. So some of this might resolve itself the more you explore different ways of masturbating . That could be positions, types of touch, sex toys, and so on.

Too, the more you can be patient with yourself and treat masturbation as something exploratory rather than something goal-oriented, the more likely you are to have an enjoyable experience. When we go in expecting it to go a certain way, that leads to that frustration you're noticing and makes it harder for us to actually connect with what's happening in the moment. Does that make sense?