Scarleteen

I discovered I'm probably autosexual (sexually attracted to myself) recently and I'm torn about how I feel about it.
On one hand, I've always loved myself a lot and i've been exploring myself sexually recently, and knowing that there's an identity and community for that makes me really happy. I've always thought of myself as asexual so this is very new to me and i'm really enjoying getting to know myself in new ways.
On the other hand, saying i'm only attracted to myself comes off as suuuuper self absorbed without the full understanding. I excitedly told some of my closest friends and the only response i got was a '?'. I know they won't judge me, but it was kind of a lukewarm response, and it's made me nervous to come out as autosexual to other people, including hypothetical future partners. I suppose I don't have to come out to people, like I never bother telling anyone at work that i'm nonbinary, but it's a bit disappointing. The average person probably thinks it's just narcissism (i will not even BEGIN to get into pop psychology's misunderstanding of narcissism) which it very much isn't lol.

Hi Faun,

It can for sure be stressful to feel as if a realization that helps you understand your own identity better is inspiring confused or judgemental reactions in other people! I do think you're right that, especially if this feels like a vulnerable spot, it's probably best to come out when it feels necessary or safe to you to do so.

Too, as much as you can, I would set aside worrying about how future partners might react. As you noted, those are all purely hypothetical scenarios right now, which means that worrying about them is going to stress you out without actually helping you figure out how to navigate a relationship you're actually in.

Do you have a sense of why your friend's lukewarm reaction set off those worries for you? Was there a kind of reaction you were hoping they'd have?

This isn't advice, but here's a better reaction from me, since you deserve to have someone be excited about your sexuality. Fuck yeah, you're autosexual! And I don't think it's narcisstic. While I don't identify as autosexual, I get a deep rush of love and attraction when I look at myself in the mirror, and I could totally see how someone could be attracted to themselves. I think it's actually really powerful to love your body so fiercely you're sexually attracted to it, because gosh, look at this broken culture where it's so hard for people to just enjoy their flesh. It's not narcissism (I also despise the pop psychology. Narcissism usually arises in environments where someone was subject to severe childhood abuse or trauma, and it's a deep lack of self covered up by a variety of ego-based coping mechanisms, often in an attempt to get your needs met, or to make yourself feel stronger. Narcisstic people aren't necessarily abusive either). Keep getting to enjoy yourself in new ways. Also, it's so fucking stupid that if you show an unconditional love for yourself, people think you're someone who can't take accountability, an abusive asshole, self-obsessed...it shows how much we valorize self-abuse or abuse from others as the only way to grow up to be "a good person". When in reality, self-love is power, and people are afraid of that power. I'm excited for your journey, dude! And you deserve enthusiasm