Scarleteen

Essentially, every time I've ever masturbated, it stops feeling good before I "get anywhere". I don't mean that it feels bad; I just stop being able to find places where it feels good to the touch and I lose my arousal.
I can get clitoral stimulation when I'm getting started, but after a while (i.e., when my heart rate is more elevated and the entire area is swollen), I "lose track" of where it is and can't find any spot that feels distinctive. I don't get anything from penetration either. It's like I can get worked up, but I can't bring that anywhere, and my mood suddenly does a 180° degree turn and I become disinterested both physically and mentally. This has happened every time; I've never achieved orgasm or even stuck with the activity for longer than fiveish minutes.
I wonder if it might be psychological in that when the area becomes really swollen and slippery (there isn't a lack of lubrication) I do find it a bit gross (because I don't like the messiness of human bodies), but I maintain my arousal and pleasure after the thought crosses my mind; the problem turns up later. It might also be that having my heart rate elevated doesn't really feel good (I associate it with exertion, and I don't like exertion), so my mind instinctively tries to distance itself from my body since it figures that an elevated heart rate means either anxiety or sports. Or maybe the clitoral hood swells up enough that I physically cannot find the organ again.
I naturally have a low libido, but I'd like to properly masturbate at least once because it sounds fun and I want to see what the fuss is about. But it comes to the point that it physically feels like touching any part of my body that isn't particularly sensitive, like an elbow or something. I have tried different speeds, doing it softer or rougher, etc etc.
I never imagine anything in particular. I usually read something to get me in the mood, but not during the act itself because it's too much multitasking.
It should also be said that I don't do it often at all nor have I ever done it often despite being in my early twenties, so my main thoughts are about cataloging the feel of it and kind of lame thoughts like "wow, my heart is beating fast right now, must mean I'm doing it right" or "is my breathing labored because I'm really into it, or am I faking it?".

Hi there Throwawayy, and welcome to the boards

Agh, I know how frustrating it can be when you’re getting started and feeling a bit aroused, and then *poof* you can’t find the feeling anymore. You are absolutely not alone here, and I know how crappy it can feel when you want to keep feeling good, but it just goes somewhere else.

I think you’re right on track with suggesting it might be a psychological phenomenon. It sounds like there’s a distinct moment for you when the pleasure and arousal you’re feeling shifts, and it sounds like there’s a couple different sensations triggering the shift in arousal.

(1) The feeling becomes indistinct, losing the exact spot of initial arousal
(2) Increased lubrication feels messy
(3) Heart rate increasing feels bad (I personally know what you mean about the increased heart rate reminding you of anxiety and sports)

When looking at those three sensations to start, you can see that these are all ways that people can experience sexual response and arousal, but it doesn’t always register like that in our brains. During arousal, blood flow to the genitals can make the whole vulva feel activated, and sometimes that can register as a loss of sensation in the clitoris, just because *everything* is so activated that there’s not really a specific locus to pleasure. Increased lubrication and an increased heart rate are also signals of arousal. However, brains can be weird and brains can make unhelpful associations, and it sounds like these sensations are getting coded as anxiety, messiness, or loss of sensation.

I think one way to address this is to help decode some of these anxieties and give you some tools to ease some stress when you explore masturbation. To start, do you want to say a bit more about how you don’t like the messiness of human bodies? Too, when that feeling arises, how does that feeling show up in your body and mind?

Two other suggestions I have are masturbating more frequently, and engaging in some pleasant fantasies or thoughts to distract when your heart rate rises. Professional sex therapists often recommend masturbating regularly when becoming orgasmic. It’s like stretching a muscle, it’s a bit easier when you do it more often, know what I mean? I hear you, too, that it feels like multitasking to hold something to look at while masturbating. How would you feel about a sensual audiobook or song you enjoy to focus on, just to have something else to bring your mind to when you find anxious or unpleasant thoughts popping up?

I’m going to stop there for now. How did that all sound for you?