Scarleteen

So I started touching myself I think about a year ago, really experimenting with it and all that. I'm a clitoris haver hi, and whenever I touch it it almost feels a little too sensitive? Sometimes it doesn't feel good and sometimes it does but it doesn't take me anywhere. Most of the time when I masturbate it's when grinding against something, and that's when it kinda takes me somewhere but it's a little underwhelming? I'm not sure if it's fiction that's making me believe orgasm is going to be something more but it just kind of feels like a nice-ish feeling release of pressure but not really super intense at all, like a really soft feeling. I'm not sure if that's how it's supposed to feel or if it feels different for everyone and I just so happen to have a very underwhelming orgasm (lame ) I've also tried experimenting with my fingers inside my vagina and other (clean) objects around my house (since I'm a minor and can't get toys) and it usually feels nice but for it to go anywhere at all I have to grind and sometimes I just get all sweaty without even reaching the underwhelming orgasm I talked about earlier. Is this normal and my orgasm is just really lame? lol

I've been reading here similar situations and I've seen mental blocking come up a lot, I'm catholic and raised catholic and in my head I kind of see masturbation as something shameful even if it's not supposed to be, to be honest, and it really messes me up after the act lol, I don't know if maybe that has something to do with it?

Anyway, the best masturbation sessions I think have had have been with my fingers and touching this like squishy part in my vagina I can't seem to recall the name of rn, and it almost kind of really felt like what I'd assume an orgasm feels like but I honestly had to stop before the release because it felt like too much and it was starting to wear me out a lot and make me really shaky.

Sorry if this is ramble-y or weirdly worded, I've never spoken about these things before and I'm honestly kinda shy

Hi Just Curious! Welcome to the boards!

It's hard to tell from your description whether you're experiencing an orgasm — it could be that you're not quite getting there, or it could be that you're having a fairly weak orgasm. The good news is that that doesn't mean that you're just doomed to only have weak orgasms forever! People can experience all kinds of different orgasms throughout their life, and sometimes it really can be something you have to "practice," in a way.

It sounds to me like you're running into a problem that many young people do with masturbation, which is easily feeling overstimulated (that's that "too sensitive" feeling) or understimulated (that's the underwhelming feeling). It can take some practice to figure out what kind of stimulation is at that sweet spot in the middle! I think you're off to a good start by doing lots of experimenting and trying different things and noticing what feels the best (by the way, it sounds like the squishy spot you were touching when you had a good experience was probably your g-spot, if it was inside your vagina along the front wall).

That being said, it's definitely much harder to relax and enjoy feeling good when you're struggling with shame or guilt about masturbating! You said that you've been reading other threads about this, so maybe you've seen these articles already, but just in case I'm going to drop them here:
Undoing Sexual Shame
Impurity Culture: Masturbation Is Self-Care

Would you like to talk more about your feelings of shame around masturbation? Can you say more about how it makes you feel or what your worry is?