Scarleteen

I am a 18yr girl with an 18yr boyfriend so we’re bound to get frisky at some point. No matter what he does, I just can’t feel anything. We tried oral and all I was able to feel was him licking me, no pleasure. He tried licking my clit but either he couldn’t find it or it doesn’t have a sensation. When I try masturbating, my clit doesn’t provide any pleasure and just kinda hurts. I try SOFTLY and it hurts then feels like nothing. So then my bf moves on to putting a finger in me. It would be great if I actually felt something nice. The only “feeling” I get is being able to acknowledge that a finger is in me. We moved on to sex and I feel nothing but pain when he’s fully in me. We waited to adjust but I was in immense pain for like 10 minutes so he pulled out. I’ve spent hours scrolling and searching online for someone with a similar issue but nothing. All I get is girls being able to feel satisfaction from clit stimulation but not from penetration and I feel nothing from BOTH. I’m able to get wet but that’s pretty much useless if I can’t do anything. Can I please get some help here? Does anyone have advice on what I should do

Hi dayriri,

I want to start out by saying that I know this is frustrating and I'm sorry you're dealing with it! I have some questions for you, so we know where to start with this. In the mean time, I'll link to 3 columns regarding users with similar issues that you can take a look at and compare to your situation (here, here, and here!).

When you say you don't feel pleasure, does that mean that you also don't experience arousal? Or is it a matter of being horny but not being able to act on that with your partner. Along those lines, do you feel sexual pleasure while masturbating (if you do masturbate)?

I do experience arousal! I’m not able to feel sexual pleasure even when i’m masturbating. I love my partner very much and he tries but i’m just unable to feel anything. I think it’s important to note that I haven’t gone through any sexual trauma.

Hi dayriri,

Can you give me a sense of how things DO feel during sex or masturbation? Are they numb? Painful? Is there sensation but it feels boring rather than pleasurable? Do you experience sensitivity, or pleasurable touch, in non-sexual parts of your body?

This is a weird example but like if you stick a finger in your mouth, all you feel is something in your mouth. That’s how masturbating is for me. One thing that is painful is sex but that’s probably because the only time I tried it was my very first time. I don’t really experience any sensitivity in other parts of my body (that I know of).

Hi Dayriri,

I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling with feeling pleasure during sexual activity. I hear you on how frustrating this is, especially when you do experience arousal but it doesn’t translate into feeling pleasure. When you say that you experience arousal, can you say a little bit about what that feels like for you? Are there particular sensations you feel in your body, and/or are there certain thoughts that come to mind? I ask because that may give you clues on *where* to begin touching yourself or having a partner touch you.

On the pain: I know that people say sex is “supposed” to be painful the first time, but that’s just not true. Sex *can* be painful when it happens too fast (too much insertion at once), there’s not enough lubrication, or you’re not feeling relaxed and aroused — these are all things that can be helped, though, so painful sex really shouldn’t be on the table. Know what I mean? That being said, though, sometimes experiencing pain during sex can make it a bit harder to experience pleasure. Are you feeling like the pain you felt during sex before is still on your mind when you explore sex now?

I just get a couple of goosebumps on my arms and the feeling of getting aroused down there. I don’t think the pain is on my mind.

Hi Dayriri,

So, you do experience arousal, but both clitoral and vaginal stimulation feel neutral or painful.

In that case, I wonder if it would help to take a step back from genital pleasure to focus on general bodily pleasure instead. Sometimes developing a better connection to your body can make it easier to feel sexual pleasure. You could spend some time exploring how different kinds of stimulation feel on different parts of your body. The idea is to look for things that feel good and change what you're doing or stop if you don't feel good.

Would you read this article and tell us what you think? I Feel Good: Pleasure and Fulfillment