Scarleteen

so. i’m 16, recently bought a vacuum vibrator, and started masturbate. first of all, i can’t get turned on when i need to, even a little bit. it always happens somewhere random, like i’m in the class, thinking about something or reading something, but when i am home, and i think or read the same thing it doesn’t make me aroused. even though i know my kinks, and it’s not like i have a lot of trouble with them. so today i was determined to cum, i filled bathtub with water, turned on this vibrator and started, even tho i wasn’t aroused. i felt the sensation building, tension growing and then its just disappeared. like i just turned off the toy, but i didn’t. i got to that point three times in a row but nothing happened. was that it? the sweet orgasm that everyone talking about? i know that it’s not like in the movies or fiction but THAT? that’s just disappointing. i’ve even tried to keep my eyes closed and my ears under the water to concentrate on that sensation but it was the same. was it an orgasm? can it even be THAT dull. what should i dooo, please help me (sorry if there’s some mistakes, my english kinda bad)

Hi PomPom,

With the moment when the build up seemed to stop, was it followed by you feeling a release of tension, or by the vibrations now feeling like too much?

Too, I do think the main issue here is that you started out unaroused AND built a situation where you're determined to orgasm no matter what, which created pressure. If you already weren't in the mood, and you added pressure on top of that, that's a combination that's a big-time pleasure killer. That's part of why so much of our advice on masturbation centers on the idea of taking the focus off of orgasm and putting it onto pleasure more generally; we know that over focusing on orgasm tends to make it less likely to happen.

aghh, i don’t think i felt any kind of release, that’s the point. for me, it felt the same if i put away the toy or turned it off. also, how can i get aroused then? why the same thing that turns me on at day doesn’t work at night?

Hi PomPom,

Everyone is different, so it would be hard to pinpoint a single explanation — maybe it is difficult for you to feel aroused at the end of a long day, or perhaps something in your environment needs to be changed. You could try again when you’re at home during the day, to see if changing the hour helps.

The way to get aroused is to explore pleasurable fantasies and sensations. During this process, don't put any pressure on yourself to orgasm, just explore things that feel good without judgement.