Scarleteen

I was exposed to porn when I was really young I’d say about 4 years old
I barely remembered this but I think I showed my cousin my intimate area that’s all i remember
Then it came to my memory I think when I was like 8 or 9 I experienced a similar thing with my brother, I think he was 4 I would touch his area or we would kiss it’s really just glances of memory that come , I know it’s prolly not cosca because I didn’t force it but I still feel very guilt because he didn’t know it was wrong , neither did I , I think my mom saw one time and after that I stopped from what I can remember. we have a normal brother sibling relationship now but I feel so much shame for doing that , im so scared he’ll remember some day and it’ll mess up things. I think it’s messed with my ability to receive physical touch from family or friends because it makes me sort of uncomfortable. I've never told anyone I just feel really bad I would’ve never done that if I had known it was bad. I need advice on how to get pass this

Hi 1111.mar,

I'm sorry this has been causing you so much shame and distress. Hopefully discussing it here will alleviate that some.

From what you're describing, this sounds very much like the kind of sexual exploration and curiosity we know to be common for young children. In other words, it doesn't sound like COCSA. You didn't do anything wrong; you were curious. You didn't push or coerce anyone into anything. And it sounds like your brother felt safe around you.

How does reading that feel?

Thank you I just needed reassurance I hate overthinking about it

You're so very welcome. If you want to talk a bit more about what that overthinking might be attached to and some ways to address it, that's also a conversation we're happy to have.