Lost my virginity recently, does sex always feel this way?

[veronica37111]

I recently lost my virginity to my bf (Im 16f) and I have many questions. We had planned this weeks before BTW. It wasn't a bad experience but I think we made a mistake which made it hurtful in the beginning and also not pleasurable. So, we didn't really have foreplay, which I've read is important for your first time. We just started making out and then I went down on him because I really wanted to try giving him head. Once he was done, we had sex. It did hurt when he was putting it in at first, but a couple of minutes later, it felt fine. But my question is, why did I not feel pleasure? We did a few positions but, I didn't feel as good as I thought I would. I don't know if I was just tense, in my head about it, nervous, or was that just because it was my first time? I was unintentionally moaning during it so that must be a good sign, right? I just want to know if it eventually starts to feel "good". I've asked my friends and they all say it takes a while so that gives me hope!

[veronica37111]

I recently lost my virginity to my bf. It was a nice experience but i didn’t necessarily feel “pleasure”. It wasn’t bad either. Is this normal? Does it start to feel good eventually?

[Latha]

Hi Veronica37111, welcome to the boards! I’ve merged your posts to address them together.

I can’t say for sure why you didn’t feel pleasure, but you’ve listed a few plausible reasons. The fact that this was your first time and that you didn’t do much foreplay could have contributed to you being tense and nervous, and those are not the best conditions for pleasurable sex. In good news, it is very likely that you will feel more pleasure from sex in the future. For one, you and your partner will probably have more experience — that means better skills and more knowledge of what actually feels good for you.

I do have some advice: Consider using lube if you aren't already — it reduces friction, and thus pain. The next time you try insertive sex, you could try to include clitoral stimulation. Many people find that this is more pleasurable than vaginal stimulation alone. And as you know, it is also important to engage in foreplay. Doing so before PIV sex may help you feel more aroused, and less tense and nervous. (That said, remember that these activities are pleasurable in their own right — they are not just a prelude to 'actual' sex.)

If I may ask, is masturbation pleasurable for you?

[veronica37111]

Thanks for the advice! That made me feel some peace of mind. I will be trying the things you listed and give you an update as soon as I can. And to answer your question, yes, masturbation is pleasurable for me.

[Sam W]

I'm glad Latha's advice was helpful!

If masturbation is pleasurable for you, another thing to try is incorporating the kinds of touch/stimulation that feel good during masturbation as part of partnered sex, since you know it's something that generally feels enjoyable to you.

[veronica37111]

Update! My bf and I were intimate again. It felt a whole lot better. We had foreplay this time and I was a lot more aroused and calm than last time. Thanks for your advices!

I do have a question regarding the sex position "doggy style". I feel a bit of pain when he goes in too deep. It wasn't as bad as it was the first time, but i still feel some discomfort from it but at the same time pleasure? It's a bit confusing.

[Andy]

Hi, it’s great to hear you had a more positive experience this time!

I think feeling some discomfort together with pleasure is quite a common feeling during sex. Though, if you don’t want to experience it, it’s definitely time to stop what you are doing and adjust things. This can look like a change of position or the range of movement, adding more lube, taking a break or stopping altogether if you want. Does that sound like something you can try?

[Heather]

I just want to add that you have now said twice that something hurt, but it sounds like instead of telling your boyfriend that and asking him to work with you to try adjustments so things feel good instead, you just let things keep hurting. Not only is pain your body’s way of telling you to stop so you don’t hurt yourself — so we want to listen, not keep doing what hurts — when we don’t tell partners when something hurts we keep them from information that helps them learn what feels good to us!

So, next time something hurts, tell your partner, and then work together to find ways of doing what you both want to that does NOT hurt. That’s how you learn together to make sexual experiences that feel good for you both and how you protect your body from injury.

[veronica37111]

Thank you so much for your advice!! I hadn’t told my boyfriend anything about it because I thought it was normal since it was my first time. And since the second time it felt less painful I thought it was something that just gets better with time. But I will let him know next time. Again, thank you!

[Heather]

Pain with intercourse can be common, but that’s only because people tend to make the same mistakes, things like not using lubricant, being too hasty, making intercourse the main event, being too aggressive, and not saying when something hurts. But it shouldn’t actually happen any time, including the first, because it’s not like your body is any different after the first time.