small sexual attraction and masturbation - teen

[stateofgrace]

I am a 15 year old teenager. i have been masturbating since i was about 13 years old - sometimes with my fingers, but more often with a pillow. i don't do it very often - usually twice a week (the first week after my period) or once every fortnight. my way of masturbating is as follows: i see a beautiful woman who excites me, i feel this excitement for a while, and then i take a pillow i.... Yes. I do it for five minutes and that's it. After that I don't feel anything, just a slight tingling in the pit. Just a feeling of guilt in my head. But nothing else.
But not always. Sometimes I see the same image and feel nothing.
I'm worried that I'm doing it so fast and finishing so quickly. Is this normal? I really rarely get excited and I worry that if I have a girlfriend (or boyfriend, but in this situation only in an emotional way, not even in a sexual way), I will be a failure for her because I will lose the excitement very quickly.
my questions at the end: is this normal? is this asexuality? how would you feel if your partner was in this situation?

+ I only had a crush once - on my girl best friend. but I never wanted to have sexual intercourse with her, I just wanted to live a sweet, romantic and quiet life.
I'm weird, I know

please HELP!!!

[Jacob]

Hey stateofgrace!

That doesn't sound weird to me at all! It sounds like there is a kind of immediate rush of excitement you feel, and that's the kind of thing that can fizzle out.

If you wanted to experiment going slower and exploring more around what feels good and is different from that frantic five minutes, I'd say go for it! It's best not to be too goal oriented. It sounds like you're still working things out (most of us are always still working it out) so the more you learn about yourself the better.