How to deal with different sex drives?

[emptinessmel]

My girlfriend's libido hasn't been as high for the past few weeks, so we haven't been having sex like we used to. I've noticed that this is a topic that's been making me a little sad. I feel weird about having a high libido and noticing that we're having little compatibility with it lately. I really get sad when we don't have sex, and I know that can be harmful and toxic, and I'm trying to fix that by finding alternatives or something. We've kind of talked about this over the last few days, and there's really no specific reason she mentioned - just that libido isn't as linear.

But that's not even the point I want to make - that's not the problem, it's the way I deal with it. I know we don't have to have sex all the time and everyday, but I wanted to learn how to overcome this issue.

It's important to say that we've been together for a little over a year

[Heather]

Hey there.

So, for most people, most of the time, it’s common to have desire for sex (it’s not actually a drive, which is why I don’t use that term) wax and wane a good deal, including over weeks or months. Whether or not that has had for you yet, it’s going to happen with partners. It’s okay to have whatever feels about it you do, but it’s just something you’ll need to get used to.

My best advice during times like these with partners is to turn your focus to your own masturbation. You might consider doing what you can to turn it up a notch for yourself, to bring anything extra or special to it — more time, a new sex toy, really leaning into a fantasy, etc.