Scarleteen

is there a time when you fully process being assaulted? why does it come up randomly? why do mundane parts of life remind me of what happened? why do happy things trigger me? i don't necessarily need answers but i feel like i don't talk about this with anyone. and its extremely difficult to talk about in my therapy sessions. i feel deeply hurt and violated. i still have thoughts of ''is this my fault? did i make it seem like i wanted that? why couldn't i say anything? why couldn't i move and scream and fight? '' why do people think that i wanted that?
why cant i process what happened? why doesn't it feel over? why does it still feel like its happening? even right now i feel like i'm there again.

sometimes i feel fine mentally and then my body will react weird. i can't get anything done. i feel like i'm being used. i feel worthless. i feel undesirable. i really don't know what i'm doing. i wish this never happened. why does this happen? why do i even feel like this? it hurts a lot. everything feels so in the air. nothing feels real anymore.


this is really hard. but i know i can get through this. i deserve to get better. nothing was my fault. i know what happened to me and i know what's true. it feels uneasy but i just have to remind myself to keep going.

Hi Kittybunz! Welcome to Scarleteen.

When we're in a lot of pain and our efforts don't seem to go anywhere, it can be so difficult to imagine a hopeful future.
I promise, healing isn't always linear, but it is possible. You can get through this. You deserve to get better. You know what happened, and none of it was your fault. Remind yourself not to listen to anyone who says otherwise.

I know it can take immense courage to talk about these things, so I'm glad you felt that you could do so here. What can we do to support you? I have some ideas, but feel free to suggest something else. We can talk about what you can try when you feel like you're there again, or when nothing feels real. We can also discuss ways to bring this up with your therapist, or we can just provide reassurance or affirmation.