Scarleteen

Hey.
I have a lot of problems concerning having romantic feelings towards anyone and everyone who either is nice to me or that I have eye contact with. I think it's the result of not having been in a real relationship like ever even though everyone around me is experimenting and some of my best friends have even already lost their virginities. I can't help but feel like something is wrong with me because I subconsciously convince myself that I have crushes on people when in reality I'm just thinking about them all the time. And this happens way too much to be normal. On one instance, a guy in my P.E class just said my name and high-fived me because I did a good job and now I can't stop thinking about him and find myself wanting to somehow impress him whenever he's near by either talking loudly or showing off my skills at whatever it is I'm doing. A while back, something similar happened but I decided to ask that guy out and we dated for a few months but it was really disappointing because we never talked irl except when our mutual friends were hanging out and I broke it off because he wasn't really forcing himself to be a boyfriend and I was too nervous and scared to put myself out there and try something. I'm sorry, this message is a real mess but basically what I'm asking is: Is it normal that I'm ''crushing'' on literally everyone and what can I do to get better at dating?

Hi emmy09,

I can’t provide much advice on dating, but as a bi/lesbian girl who gets crushes on tons of people, maybe it would help to hear my experience:
I get crushes on so many people, the number is probably around 10 at this point. I’ve had crushes on random people (strangers in person and people online), crushes that lasted for a few hours or years. I’ve definitely felt awkward about having so many crushes, but it’s sometimes helped to think about why I had a crush on that person — sometimes that reason is actually quite nice and reasonable , and if this part of what feels “abnormal” to you is that the crushes seem arbitrary, maybe they aren’t in some way. To be clear though, I don’t think it would be bad or abnormal to have arbitrary crushes (or really any kind of crush, for that matter), I think that a certain amount of randomness just kinda happens with this sort of thing.

I can give a bit of thoughts on dating: if the feelings are a combination of something like “I really wanna talk to this person” and “I really wanna kiss/cuddle/hold hands/etc with them”, leaning onto the desire for talking might feel like a less risky way to figure out whether they might be right as a friend or person you date.

Here’s a nice “do’s and dont’s” Scarleteen article — I’m sending this one because it also links to their other stuff about crushes: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/relatio ... es-crushes

I really hope this helps.

- AQ

Hey there Emmy!

I so agree with AQ: it’s totally normal to have crushes on multiple people, and there can be a lot of reasons why you might have a crush on someone. Like AQ said, thinking about what it is you like about that person can be a fruitful avenue of thought for getting to why you have a crush on them.

Something else I’m noticing in your post is that you want to be noticed, and when you have a crush you act in ways to be noticed by the person. I want to say, too, I have done the exact same things when I’ve had a crush on someone, like talking more loudly or wanting to impress them: I think it’s very natural to want to be seen and admired in return by the person that you see and admire! But I also want you to remember that you are enough, and you don’t need to perform for a crush for them to notice you. Just as you notice things you like in people that they do without thinking, people will notice things like that in you, too. I hear you, though, that it’s hard to put yourself out there to talk to someone and date confidently. Do you want to talk a bit more about why you’re finding it hard to do so?