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I have been in a relationship for 2 years. My girlfriend and I have sex often. However, I think there are some problems between us. I don't want to write them all because you may have to write pages. 1) Even though it's been 2 years, neither of us know our fantasies. We try but it just doesn't work. For example, I wanted a threesome, but then I gave up and got scared, because I'm a jealous person. We buy fancy clothes, but after buying them, neither she wants to wear them nor I want to see them on her. What can we do for this? What kind of fantasy would you suggest? 2) During sex, my girlfriend says she does not enjoy it. Not only that, he says, "I don't know what I enjoy." We bought a vibrator to help her get to know her body, but it didn't work. He has a high libido, but sometimes he says he doesn't know if he's experiencing pleasure. What more do I need to do to warn him? I tried every way but it didn't work and I started to think that I wasn't enough for him. I don't know English well, I apologize in advance if there are any translation errors. I used Google translate.

Hello, and welcome to Scarleteen!

No need to apologize, I’m glad you are able to post here! I hope this response will translate back, but if there’s any confusion, please let me know! I want to do my best to help you.

1) It sounds like it has been hard for you and your girlfriend to find fantasies you enjoy. People can have different fantasies, and sometimes it can be helpful to explore fantasies as individuals, exploring what fantasies you think of when you’re alone, and then bring those fantasies together if you choose to. How does that sound to you?
2) I suspect her comment saying “I don’t know what I enjoy” is related to the answer to Question 1. It can be hard to immediately know what you like, and it can take some experimentation! The process of experimenting and finding what you both enjoy can be fun, too. If you try something and it doesn’t feel great, it’s ok to laugh it off or shrug it off and try something else.

I’m sorry to hear how you’re feeling about this. It sounds like you really care about making your partner feel good and you want to find what you both enjoy — these are things that good partners do! We can’t guess correctly what someone might like, and it can be harder too when they may not know themselves what feels good. But this can be an opportunity to have fun exploring!

Here are three articles that may help you a bit more if you are able to translate them.

1. Going Solo: The Basics of Masturbation
2. Sexual Response & Orgasm: A User’s Guide
3. How To Approach Sexual Fantasy And Desire On Your Own Terms