can’t reach orgasm anymore

[umbr8llaa]

I (19F) can’t reach an orgasm anymore. I’ve been masturbating since I was 15, and had amazing full body orgasms just from clit stimulation, but in the last two years I can’t get to that level of orgasm anymore and it takes me much longer to even do that. It feels like a release, but it happens in a flash, it doesn’t extend through my body, and doesn’t even feel pleasurable sometimes. I haven’t started any new medication, haven’t had huge health changes (if anything i’ve gotten healthier!), and not under constant stress. I started having penetrative and oral sex in the last year as well, and I can’t orgasm from my partners either (who i feel comfortable with and am attracted to.) It’s not a pressure issue, especially because I can’t get there by masturbating either. I use a vibrator and that can give me an orgasm, but still very lackluster. I don’t understand what’s wrong and I’m tired of not being able to orgasm like I used to.

[KierC]

Hey there Umbr8llaa, and welcome to the boards!

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been struggling with orgasm. It can be so frustrating, especially when you were experiencing full body orgasms before, to feel less overwhelmingly pleasureable orgasms. I have a few questions to clarify, and some thoughts on where this could be coming from.

It’s helpful to know that your health and stress levels are relatively the same! Those can certainly impact the sexual response cycle and make our experience of desire, arousal, and orgasm a bit different. Any number of life changes can potentially change the way we approach and feel during sex, too. Apart from what’s going on in your body, if there’s anything different in the way you *feel* about sex or *approach* sex, that can potentially change your experience of orgasm. With that in mind, is there any way you see yourself approaching masturbation differently? Have you noticed any changes in how you feel about sex after starting to have partnered sex?

It sounds like you can still orgasm with a vibrator, but not with partnered sex, and the vibrator orgasm feels less intense. Thinking back to when you experienced fully body orgasms, was there anything in your environment that was different; any mindset you were in that changed; any activities you did that may have contributed to the fully body orgasms?

I want to say, too: Orgasm is one, brief part of the sexual response cycle, and is often put on a pedestal as The Goal Of Having Sex; while there is actually a whole sexual response cycle leading up to, including, and after orgasm that contributes to the overall pleasure you feel during sexual activity. So, sometimes orgasm can be either hard to reach or less overwhelming than usual, but it’s still only a fraction of the pleasure one can experience during sex. Sometimes, too, gently placing orgasm off of this pedestal can help with enjoying other aspects of sex like the desire, arousal, or plateau stage. All this to say, there is much pleasure to be found apart from orgasm. How do you feel about exploring more on the other parts of sex that you find enjoyable for awhile, perhaps introducing non-goal-oriented sex and masturbation into the mix?