How do you even get sexual experience and should I even care?

[rodya]

I’m very self conscious that the only times I’ve even kissed anyone have been during party games. The older I get the more embarrassed I get about my lack of experience and recently it’s gotten past just the social pressure, I just really want to have sex. Maybe it’s partly an effect of being on testosterone but it makes me frustrated. I don’t understand how people even approach each other and I’ve never had anyone be interested in me as far as I’m aware.
Part of me thinks that this is a stupid thing to be so concerned with but it feels like I’m missing out on so much in general and this is another one of those things. It drives me crazy when I’m talking to people and they casually bring up sex and I just have to nod along like I know what they’re talking about.
I guess my question is: what am I supposed to do with these feelings?

[Jacob]

Hey rodya!

I don't think sex is a stupid thing to be concerned about; we have a whole website here all about it!

Something you could try in those "nodding along" conversations might be to actually ask follow-up questions whenever you don't understand something being said, because I think becoming comfortable talking about sex in the abstract is not only going to make it easier to have future conversations, but its also going to make it easier to talk about when speaking to someone who may be a future partner where sex could be a more an immediate possibility.

I had very limited sexual experience at 18 too, and I think this is becoming truer every year as young people are generally having a lot less sex than past generations, but I think what I learnt was how much of sex was actually about vulnerability rather than what I was told it was about, which was "confidence".

The willingness to look a little silly, to be able to admit the experience you don't have, are the kinds of places intimacy, laughter, and sexual chemistry is actually most likely to come from.