Scarleteen

Okay so I am 15 years old and I really want my girlfriend to have sex with me... But she is really nervous and I am trying to calm her down about it. She insists she wants to but gets scared and embarrassed before she even takes her clothes off! Any help? And also: How can I get condoms without my mother finding out? I'm not allowed to go to stores or gas stations on my own, I have overprotective parents. She also doesn't show much interest in sex.

*Note* I am female

If she's saying to you that she has sexual desire, but feels too scared just yet, that means what you'll need to do is wait until she feels differently. You can also let her know that if there is anything she needs from you, or needs your help with, to feel comfortable, she can let you know so you can figure out what you need to do to provide those things -- that may be things like time, including for her to develop better body image and confidence, or going very gradually with just being naked around each other without being sexual, birth control or safer sex stuff, etc. -- as well as figuring out if you can provide whatever those things are (which are things you can do or give) yet.

It sounds, too, like you may need your own time to work out how you're going to be able to engage in a sexual relationship safely, and without sneaking around, and do things like access condoms or other barriers and your own sexual healthcare for yourself. That will means things like transportation and being allowed to go places on your own, like to the pharmacy and a doctor or clinic.

And THAT will probably mean working with your parents and you all working together for them to start giving you some more freedom and autonomy. So, seems like you both will likely need some considerable time first, which is fine, since it sounds like this is probably way too fast for her, anyway. Even bringing it up more than once, if you have been, isn't such a great idea: if she told you she feels too scared, she feels too scared. Same goes with her not feeling much desire to be sexual: you can't make that happen. That's something you simply need to wait for, until (and unless) that changes for her, and can't speed up for her.

If you want to talk about how to be patient when waiting for things you really want, glad to talk about that with you. same goes for communicating with your parents around any of this.

Thank you so much!