Not sure about my gender identity

[sarxzer]

Hello, since some time I start to question myself about my gender identity.
I'm a assigned male at birth, but I don't feel I'm a man... I start to want being more feminine... But I'm not sure about it.
I also think about being a trans, but I'm also not sure. All I'm sure is that I want to be more feminine, but don't know how to do it.
Also, sometimes I can feel more feminine, and sometimes more masculine, like it can change.
My parents are open minded, since they said it was good that I liked both men and women, but I don't know how to ask them... Last time I asked my mom for earrings, and she react like I was revealing too much at a time... Mentioning the time I said I'm bi... But it was years ago, and it seems she's still processing it... I also want to have some... Female outfit, but still have no idea how to say it...

[Latha]

Hi there, Sarxzer

I'm sorry that your mother gave you the impression that you were asking for too much. You definitely are not! While I'm glad your parents have been open-minded in the past, I bet your mother's current discomfort has more to do with her beliefs about gender and sexuality than the amount of time you've given her to process. You've mentioned that you are not sure how to ask your parents, but I suspect that there is nothing wrong with what you are asking for or how you are asking. You could just say 'I would like to try wearing earrings' or 'I would like some feminine outfits'. These are simple requests, so question is whether your parents will listen to you when you say these things.

The fact that your parents have been open-minded in the past is good news. Sometimes parents can be slow to support things that feel unfamiliar — they may get used to the idea in the future. To be clear, you don't have to share this with your parents. It is just that not having to hide from them may make your life easier. If you want, we can help you figure out how to approach this.

Moving on to the subject of gender identity: Though you are the only person who can determine your gender identity, we can help you think though your doubts.

The first thing I want to say is that there is nothing wrong with exploration, and no cost to changing your mind later. If you have an interest in being more feminine, go ahead and try feminine clothes. See if using different pronouns or thinking of yourself as something other than a man feels good. Remember, you don't have to figure out how to do this right, you can just try different options. Experimenting like this may give you a clearer sense of what you want.

sometimes I can feel more feminine, and sometimes more masculine, like it can change

These feelings are useful information about your gender! Still, I would note that it isn't necessarily indicative of one identity over another. To consider an example, feeling masculine sometimes doesn't mean you can't be a trans woman, because women can be masculine. You could also choose to be a man who is feminine, or something other or in between. There are so many ways to experience gender, and so many ways to be trans. Ultimately, what matters is which identity feels right to you. The only requirements for being transgender are not identifying fully with the gender you were assigned at birth, and wanting to use the term 'trans' to describe yourself.

Does this make sense so far?