Scarleteen

So a few months ago, I shared a bed with my boyfriend without having sex. Is it possible that I was unknowingly sexually assaulted? As far as I know, I wasn't intoxicated in any way or under the influence. Also, can I get sexually transmitted infections like HIV or Hepatitis C through sharing a bed with someone?

Thank you for your help.

Hi Bobbie, welcome to the boards!

Just to make sure I understand, you're worried that your boyfriend might have sexually assaulted you in your sleep when you shared a bed with him? Is there anything that happened then or since that is contributing to your worry that this might have happened? Before I answer your other questions, I want to make sure that you are safe — if something about your boyfriend makes you think that he might have assaulted you, it might be because there are other things going on in your relationship that are making you feel unsafe. I'm going to give you a link to our article about abuse, which includes a checklist you can look at to see if there's anything concerning about your relationship, okay? Here's the article: Blinders Off: Getting a Good Look at Abuse and Assault

It is very unlikely that you could have been assaulted in your sleep without waking up or knowing about it afterwards. Our brains are still active while we sleep, so it's not likely that something traumatic could happen without us having any sense of it at all. If you didn't have any emotional or physical signs (like bruising, soreness, etc.) when you woke up that morning, I think it's pretty safe to say that you weren't assaulted without knowing it. Do you remember what happened that night or that morning? Is there anything about that night that makes you feel especially worried?

As for your second question, no, you cannot get sexually transmitted infections just by sleeping next to someone. HIV and Hepatitis C are spread through bodily fluids, and those fluids need to get inside your body. You can't get them just by being next to someone who has them, touching their clothes or body, or even touching their bodily fluids.

No I don't think so -- my boyfriend has always been respectful of boundaries and what not and if I tell him to stop doing something he will. I don't recall anything particularly concerning, I'm merely worried about it as a possibility.

Hey Bobbie,

I’m glad to hear your boyfriend has always been respectful of your boundaries and that you don’t recall anything concerning. I’m wondering, though, why you’re concerned about this in particular. Do you get worried by things like this easily, or do you want to talk a bit about where this fear might be coming from?