Scarleteen

Hey everyone,

So I've really liked a girl who goes to my university for almost 3 months now. Around a month ago, when we were still at uni, I learnt from a couple of her friends that she liked me too. However I couldn't pursue anything at the time because I still had a boyfriend. At that point, though, we were hanging out a lot and I knew we really got on. Since breaking up for summer I have broken up with my boyfriend and told her. We talked a loot in the first couple of weeks of summer and had really frequent in-depth conversations but couldn't see each other because of work placements and holidays and stuff - we finally had a date last Thursday though, and I thought it went great. We got along really really well and had a ton to talk about, and at the end of the date she suggested meeting up again but we made no concrete plans.

The problem is...I'm starting to doubt whether she's interested anymore, and don't know whether to keep pursuing stuff when she's unresponsive. We went on the date, sure, but we hadn't spoken since the date until yesterday when I messaged her on facebook. And now she hasn't replied since then. I feel like I have to keep making the effort with texting her to hang out etc, otherwise she won't do anything, but I don't know if that's just down to her being really shy with girls (her friends have told me she is) or if she's no longer into me. I'm just confused because I thought she liked me, and that this was going somewhere, and it seems like suddenly she's changed her mind or something. Should I ask her to hang out again? Or should I just leave it? It's worth adding I guess that she was being like this whilst we were at uni and I knew for sure that she liked me, but I wouldn't have known unless her friends told me...

Thanks for reading!

It doesn't sound like it would hurt anything to ask her to meet up or go out again. If she's interested she will . Too? Sometimes people just aren't always that amazing at keeping on contact during the busy summer/break times.

I wouldn't put too much thought in her not replying right away. I know I have a really bad habit about reading messages while I'm busy doing something and then forgetting to reply for a day or so.

And, some people (especially shy people) are too nervous to be the one to initiate the plans. Her friends told you she was shy with girls, so that could also be the case.

I think you should ask her again to hang out. It wouldn't hurt anything, like Stephanie said. The chance may be worth it

Thanks for both your advice I guess I am just scared of seeming too keen especially if she isn't interested...but maybe one more message will be worth it

You're welcome.

She hasn't really done anything that's giving any red flags for NOT being interested, so definitely give it another shot! And good luck! I know it can be a little scary putting yourself and your feelings out there.

Hi there! I don't have much dating experience, but I do have a lot of experience with maybes, so I thought I'd share what I've learned

I would recommend asking her out for something specific. "Hey, would you like to go to this thing on that day together?"
It doesn't have to be elaborate; you could propose to meet for lunch if you want.

If she says yes, you have your answer. Yay!

If she says "No, I'm busy that day, but how about this other thing on this other day?" then she's definitely interested. Basically anything that includes a specific time is good news, even if some details still need to be settled.

If she says no without a specific other plan then it's probably best to conclude that she's not interested. (Even if she is, she's hiding it so well that the situation would just make you sad.)

The main thing I use to get over my nerves in things like this is to think that you're not asking her for a favor or something like that. You're asking to find out whether she wants to spend time with you. She already knows you and she already either does or does not want to spend time with you; all you're doing is finding out.