I can't explore my sexuality, at all

[miyokomiojo]

Just like the title says. Like, I do get aroused sometimes but it's not much. I barely feel anything whenever I try to masturbate and sometimes when I try certain things with myself I end up triggering something that I don't know, kinda makes me panic? I don't have any trauma regarding this so it's very weird. Fingering hurts a lot doesn't matter what I do, I'm really really lost, I'm 15 years old so it's not like I haven't reached puberty or something like that (?) I feel like going to see a doctor about that would not be an option because I'm scared of my parents's reaction to me bringing this topic up.

[HannahP]

Hi Miyokomiojo! Welcome to the boards!

I'm sorry to hear that your experience has been so frustrating. But I hope you know that questions like yours are super common here. A lot of young people find that it takes time for them to learn how to masturbate in an enjoyable way. We have a lot of resources here about this exact thing!

First, I'm going to suggest that you read this article: How Do You Masturbate? I especially recommend the answer to Jessica's question, which I think is very similar to your situation.

I do want to specifically address one thing in your post, which is that fingering is painful for you. Masturbation (and all sex!) tends to work best when we follow what our bodies want, doing more of what feels good and stopping anything that hurts or otherwise feels bad. This article talks about this idea a lot: Ask not what your body can do for you, but what you can do for your body! It is very common for people with vaginas to not insert anything inside them while they masturbate and to only focus on clit stimulation or touching themselves externally. So if fingering is not enjoyable, there is no need at all to do it!

One last thing. I think it makes sense that masturbation is making you feel bad and panicky right now — it sounds like it's stressful and painful! But if you think there might be something more there, that it's reminding you of some deeper bad feeling or negative belief, we would be happy to talk more about that and see if we can figure out where that's coming from. It is often tough to get aroused when sex or masturbation or our bodies make us feel bad, so that's definitely a worthwhile path to explore.

Okay, I'll stop there for now. How does this sound to you? Would you like to give those articles a read and tell me what you think?