Scarleteen

Hi, im 18 years old, female, and have always had issues down there when it comes to pleasure. penetration down there always hurts. recently I started going to the doctor and they were stating how I might have vaginisum and I will be starting pelvic floor therapy in january next year. ive been using silicone dialators for a month and have worked my way up to the 3rd one out of 5. me and my partner have had intercourse about 4 times but have only been able to put his tip in. our intercourse is always painful yet pleasurable to me. the dialators have really been helping me. Though today he was able to go a little more than half way in and i bled quite a bit and felt slight tearing. Is this normal? I should add my partner is more on the gurthy side.

Hi Ms. Candy!

I'm sorry to hear about all the pain and discomfort. Tearing and bleeding sounds like it's resulting from having pushed gone past that pain and is a real thing to listen to, telling you that "This tissue is under too much pressure and might break, please stop", as physical stress its also going to trigger more tightening of the muscles and ligaments in your pelvis, which in turn might be increasing the pain further.

Of course if that pain is mixed with pleasure you may not want to stop, but that is what's happening. Sometimes the enjoyment of a thing which is only slightly painful can be part of what lets us eventually relax into it enough that the pain goes away on its own, and along with it the physical stress that causes increased friction, tearing and bleeding. However, it's much more common that pushing way past that slightly painful sensation makes it more painful the next time as your body remembers the pain and tenses up as if to say "Here we go again, time to buckle up even sooner!"

As some tips, I'd highly recommend using as much lube as possible, and maybe slow your roll a little! My understanding with dilators is that you don't want to go from 1 to 5 as quickly as possible, but you want to become familiar and comfortable with each of them at your own pace, which can often mean going down a size... it's not about what you can tolerate it's about what you can be comfortable with.

Pulling this quote from an article you should definitely check out:

Using trainers Should. Not. Hurt. “No pain, no gain” does NOT apply here (nor to most things). If practicing with your trainer is miserably painful, you’re unlikely to make real progress, and you may even set yourself back.

-- from Debunking Dilators: The When, Where, and How of Dilation (Part Two) by Caitlyn Tivy PT, DPT, OCS

Does that help at all?

Also you might want to give this classic Scarleteen piece a read: From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse