Scarleteen

hi, i have thought about posting here a good amount and finally felt confident enough to. there's a good amount of ground i want to cover, and it will get very personal/maybe TMI just to warn any readers.

i (21y/o trans man) have never orgasmed, besides maybe a wet dream or two. i also have difficultly enjoying masterbaiting; for a while i thought it was all due to antidepression/anxiety medications i have been on for a while but even before that i never felt much if any physical pleasure from anything sexual. i often feel arousal/aroused, and consistantly seek out things like porn or phone sex with my partner, so i dont think that it stems from not wanting it or being asexual/something like that

it feels embarressing to try and explain, but even when turned on, lubricated, and in a good headspace, i cant seem to find a way to enjoy touching myself? ive tried to focus on clit stimulation like people suggest, but no matter if i am gentle and slow i just end up with it getting overstimulated before i can enjoy anything, then it just kinda feels slightly numb. physically i can feel it like how i could feel touching my arm, but nothing seems to feel anything better than neutral? because of this i usually feel sexually "pent up" which doesnt really ever get resolved if that makes sense?

is this something i should bring up to my general doctor, psychatrist, or a counsellor through my college(and would that even be apropriate?)? does this seem to be a mental block or a physical problem? could it be linked to my chronic migranes or autism or other diagnoses? i really try not to let myself stew on this too much, but I do want this "resolved", or just some closure.

thank you for reading through this, i know that it might be a lot of specifics but i have been wanting to find answers since i was a teen so my questions kind of piled up into this post. please let me kmow if i should clarify anything

Hi Keentoknow!

Sexuality kinda overlaps with so many different parts of ourselves it can be difficult to pinpoint a single cause for why our sexual pleasure does or doesn't present itself in a single way.

I think your description of feeling sexual tension being "pent up" but which is then never "released" makes a lot of sense for how these things usually feel.

I think some of the advice that you've had about taking it slow, and experimenting with clitoral stimulation is a good call, but I'm sorry that for you it doesn't seem to have helped massively!

I'm interested in what you have said about feeling no pleasure, and yet also feeling overstimulated with certain kinds of touch - is there no sense of a middle-feeling for you between un-stimulated & overstimulated?

Sadly there's no obvious single solution jumping out at me, which you should try, but I do think it's important to be as kind to yourself as you can be... I wouldn't advise repeating things that have felt unpleasant or haven't been working for you, or putting any extra pressure on yourself.

Do you think you could couple your experimentation with any other self-care activities? It might be nice if there were ways the time you're spending with yourself could feel good regardless of whether or not the pleasure is of the orgasmic type?