Scarleteen

this is honestly more of a vent but like. if anyone has any thoughts you’re welcome to share them

it’s honestly kind of hard for me to type this because i’ve never told anyone about this (insert awkward laugh here)
so, when i was around 13 (i think? i barely remember) i would talk sexually with adults (who were fully aware of my age and would even bring it up sometimes (gross!)) and i fully knew that it was . like. wrong and fucked up but i’m an impulsive son of a gun!! and it was only a year later that i really fully realized the effect it had on me, (for example) i feel really uncomfortable/scared talking to adult men now, but i’m really hesitant to call it a traumatic experience/abuse???????
the angel on my shoulder says “you were a dumb kid, the adults should have known better” but the devil on my shoulder says “no it’s actually all your fault and others have gone through worse so it’s honestly kind of offensive that you’d even think that it was abuse” so like. yeah!!

Hi Cutenakanojo, welcome to the boards!

Some of your actions may not have been the safest, but that does not justify how these adults treated you, nor does it make what happened your fault. Think of this general rule: we shouldn't expect people to always make all the best choices in order to receive help if something goes wrong. This approach is excessively strict, and usually leads to victim-blaming. Whatever you did, the adults you met had a responsibility to treat you well, and they chose not to. That is on them.

“Others have gone through worse” is the sort of reasoning that can stretch to cover any situation, no matter how bad it is. The fact that you are struggling and that you've felt scared is enough — you deserve care and support. Don't listen to the devil. I don't want to tell you how you should think about what happened, but if you want, you can absolutely think of this as a traumatic experience or as abuse. That isn't offensive at all, it is simply an accurate description of what happened.

Our article on abuse has a section titled “The Blame Game” that you might like to read — just scroll down a little, and you'll find it. You might also be interested in this article on grooming.