Scarleteen

Hi Everyone,

Thank god I found this platform, I have been so curious about sex and have so many questions, but have no one and no where to ask. I am 22 years old, heterosexual female. I am a virgin. My boyfriend who I have been dating for a little over 3 months, has a body count of 2. He had a lot of sexual experience with his ex girlfriend and ex situationship. I have made it very clear that I do not do oral sex, I consider it unhygienic and quite insulting. But he wanna go down for me. And he brushes his teeth after blowing me and then kisses me. He's in very good body shape, good abs, good chest, good biceps, good ass. He's a patient guy, and he kisses pretty well. So I think he'd be a good one to do it with for the first time.

Anyway, my questions being:
1. We haven't had penetrative sex yet, but he has gone down for me multiple times, I can't say it feels good, it feels so strange. I can't really feel much, I feel like it's more of a mental thing than a physical thing, does anyone relate? Is there anything wrong on my side? I feel like my vibrator does a better job than oral.

2. How bad does it hurt? I wanna sleep with him next month, I am 22 I really want the sex experience, but I've heard it hurts a lot. We tried fingering before, he fingered me with only one finger, and it was some strange yet intense feelings, when he tried two fingers, it hurts. He is definitely bigger than 2 fingers, which makes me really worried if it might hurt too much.

Please let me know how you all think. Thank you so much! I appreciate any comment/advice!

Hi Jlynesicca, and welcome to the boards

When you say you don’t do oral sex, do you mean that you just don’t like to give it, or also don’t like to receive it? To be clear, if you don’t want oral sex performed on you for any reason, it absolutely shouldn’t be done to you. Before getting into your questions, though, I also want to send you this: The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist. It’s a good tool to make sure you have everything you need beforehand for safer and more comfortable sex!

1. Nothing is wrong on your side! Plenty of folks just don’t enjoy the sensation of oral sex, it is totally okay not to like it or want it done to you. I also suspect part of that strange feeling could relate to what you said about oral sex earlier; after all, if we feel like a thing or activity is dirty or insulting, when that act is done to us it’s not going to feel super awesome. Know what I mean?

With all that in mind, do you feel like you just don’t like receiving oral sex at all, or is it something you want to experiment with to see if it could feel better?

2. You shouldn’t experience pain during your first time, or any time during sex! If you do, it’s a good idea to stop and take a break.

Your corona (formerly known as the hymen) gently stretches to accommodate insertion, but if there’s too much at once or not enough warming up (lube, foreplay, etc.), it can feel painful. To alleviate that, it’s helpful to start with activities that don’t involve insertion, and only move onto insertion if you feel ready, relaxed, aroused, and lubricated. Fingers are a great way to start exploring that feeling too. It sounds like 2 fingers is painful for you, and that’s totally okay — starting with one finger is common! How would you feel about starting with one finger again and building up slowly before attempting sex with insertion?