Scarleteen

I made a post relating to me and my partner's relationship trying to parse out something, and what I meant was seemingly lost along the way. I got a reply that was HIGHLY offensive to me, deigning to suggest I would ever disrespect my partner's boundaries.

Obviously I'm upset that what I was completely misheard on what I've been struggling with, and I'm extremely upset about these accusations. I know it's in the name of advice and that this person was honestly trying to help and probably thought that they saw a troubled relationship, but I'm so horrified and offended. I'm not saying we are perfect or anything, but it's so hard to explain a relationship even to my personal circle, let alone through an internet post. And it seems I may be one of the worst to ever try.

I really want this post gone, especially since it seems I don't know how to be more clear that I would first die before pushing a boundary. That we discuss everything openly with honesty and trust, and that everything we do is fully consensual. I can promise that we are in a very healthy relationship and that I listen to everything he says and signals, and he does the same to me. I don't want our relationship to be interpreted like this, even anonymously amongst strangers. I love my partner so much. I have never ever done as suggested in the reply, and I know this because me and my partner converse so so often and I know what he has told me and I know what he has shown me and I know how much he loves me as well, and I know from experience he would tell me if I ever did anything he didn't want.

At the end of the day what this person interpreted from my post does not truly matter, because I'm the only one of us here that's actually lived the relationship I'm talking about. What IS important to me above all else, is that I shared a lot of personal context when trying to convey what our relationship is like, and this information is not just about me but my partner. I'm regretful to have even shared some of these things, and I'm embarrassed and really ashamed that I was not able to do them justice with how I talked of them.

And I know I'm probably oversharing here too, but if anything is to be out there I want it to be that I love my partner and that we work very hard on our relationship. Both ways, about everything.

Hi nib!

We have moved the post out of pubic view as requested. Incidentally I also think it would have been fine to have replied with your own perspective on your relationship within the thread.

When it comes to boundary pushing, if we suggest to a person they may have done this, it isn't an indictment on their character, it's because we believe that it would be a helpful observation. If anything it comes from the positive regard we have for them that they would not want to be screwing up around boundaries, which you've confirmed is the case for you too. If we truly believe somebody is malicious we usually do not engage with them at all. All of our advice, even if it sounds critical, comes from a place of care.

I suggest that the idea that we have pushed someone's boundaries needs to be something we'll at least consider and if it's unthinkable to the point of feeling offensive that's going to stand in the way of reflecting on our relationships moving forward.

However, I completely understand that that can be an upsetting thing to hear, especially when you're not expecting it, and wanting it not to be public is a totally reasonable reaction to feeling overwhelmed by that. This is something you can approach in your own way in your own time.

I'd be happy to hide this thread too when you've had a chance to read it, and I'd ask that going forward you could direct any issues you have with our service to our contact form: Contact Us

Thank you for moving it.

No problem!