The Pill and outer course

[Rose96]

Good afternoon ladies I have a question that I can't seem to get an answer on. I recently started the pill for a more effective contraceptive method. My partner and I have only ever done outer course (penis rubbing against vulva and clitoris) and we always used condoms. The other day we had sex with no condom but I was 19 days in on the pill. There was no penetration and he did not ejaculate on me, he immediately flipped over on his back away from me. My health care provider said the pill would be active after seven days, but I've been hearing some say it takes a month! Like I said, there was no penetration BUT there was also no condom. Am I at risk of pregnancy? I know there's always pre-cum and fluids present during sex,but I would like to know my chances even if there was no penetration. I would also like to point out, right after sex I wiped and took a hot shower.I'm very strict with taking my pill EVERYDAY at the same time. Thank you for taking the time to read this, I eagerly wait for a response

[Heather]

Here's the scoop:

If you started the pill on day one of a period or did a Sunday start, where you started on or before the first Sunday after a period, then yep, seven days should be fine. If not, then backing up for one full cycle is what is usually advised.

So, what you guys are doing poses the same risks as intercourse, so that's going to be the best way to think about it moving forward. The same risks of pregnancy and STIs are present with that kind of activity. And showing after makes no difference with either of those things.

But. You were using your pill for almost three weeks, no matter when you started, and if your partner did not ejaculate, then you did back up, you backed up by using withdrawal. So, we're looking at a very low risk here when it comes to pregnancy.

[Rose96]

Thank you for the quick reply! Any advice to make condoms more comfortable (aside from lube)? They're annoying mostly for me not him. I'm also allergic to latex.... not happy when I found that out OUCH! We'll have to stick to latex free from now on. I'd like to get your opinion going condom free too.We both have never had previous sexual relationships,and were both tested for everything. *Sigh* It's just more comfortable for me without one. Aside from wanting to protect myself better, that was the other reason why I started birth control. I guess I didn't want our sex life to be hinged on using rubbers every time.

[Heather]

Have you ever tried the "female" or internal condom? It's non-latex, and it's different than male copndoms if it's something about them -- not just latex -- that isn't working for you. With male condoms, it'd help to know what's not feeling comfortable for you when you are NOT using latex. Can you fill me in on that?

Really, if you both feel comfortable going without condoms, and you've followed the protocols for safer sex we know are the best at STI prevention -- that's testing, six months of condoms use, then another round of testing before going without -- then unless you two are not exclusive, or become so, chances are good you have most of your bases covered (HPV is the only real wild card here, since men can't be tested for it).

[Rose96]

Yes I have heard of the female condoms, worth a shot I suppose. But my partner and I haven't actually penetrated yet, our sex is a lot outer course such as the grinding motion against each other. With that said it becomes uncomfortable because of friction and we have to stop a lot to add more lube. It just kinda ruins the intimate experience when there is pain. It was a whole new beautiful experience for us going without one, it was the first time sex was made with no pain or interruptions having to add more and more lube. So really it's just nuisance having to stop and add lube because of the friction. I'm worried when we make the decision to penetrate the condom will cause that painful friction on my vaginal walls. I know the first penetration will be a little uncomfortable but I don't want to add to it if I don't have to.

[Heather]

Are you starting with lube from the beginning?

Really, condom or no condom, chances are that with genital sex, especially intercourse, you'll be needing or wanting to add lube sometimes, if not all the time. These things involve friction with or without condoms.

So, it seems like the trick with lube or condoms might be figuring out what it feels like an interruption or annoyance to you, and what you can do to change both your headspace with that, but also change things up so that these things are actually an enjoyable part of the sex you're having, rather than seeming like an outside interruption.

[Rose96]

Yes we are using lube at the beginning. I apply lube on myself and all over him (on the condom rather) it just seems to kinda wear off quickly. When we did without a condom we didn't use any lube either because I was heavily lubricated myself just from the sensation of feeling him. It was a wonderful experience.

[Heather]

The thing is, that likely will not be a super-common experience. Again, what is most likely is that much of the time, you will need or want lubricant.

So, I'd see if you can't revisit what I asked earlier, in terms of figuring out what the mental hangups are with lube or condoms, and then what you could be doing -- but are not -- to make them a fun part of sex, not an interruption.

Too, it may be that you like silicone-based lubricants better than water-based ones. Both are safe, but the silicone varieties tend to have more staying power.

[Rose96]

Okay great thanks I'll search for different lubricants then. Any recommendations ? Right now we use a water-based lube called Sliquid, I chose that simply because it was meant for sensitive skin and it was paraben/glycerine free.

[Emma]

Hi Rose--we and our friends at Oh Joy Sex Toy like the silicone-based lubricant "Pink," reviewed here by OJST: http://www.ohjoysextoy.com/pinklube/

It tends to be gentle on sensitive skin and doesn't support microbial growth which are both great for keeping yourself healthy--just make sure that if you're using any sex toys, they're not silicone (or you use them with a condom), as silicone-based lube can melt them!