Scarleteen

Earlier today while i was looking through a bookstore, my sister quickly groped my breast. She often hints and jokes to sexual things, and says she's going to molest me (literally said that not even half an hour ago) among other things. She means it as a joke, but is it still valid? As far as I know and have been told it's common for siblings to make sexual jokes

Also, every time she comes out of the shower she shows me her body, and she often changes in front of me. It's not that unnatural for our family to undress in front of each other, especially for me as I normally need assistance, but it might be relevant

I've told my parents about this before, and they just dismiss it as her joking and say just a sentence to her without doing any proper action or consequence

I'm not really sure what to do or how to feel about this

Hey No1sundaylover, and welcome to the boards

I’m sorry to hear that your sister chose to say and do these things to you. It is not okay for anyone to touch you without your consent, and it’s not okay for anyone to say or joke about doing something to you without your consent, even if they intend it as a joke. Siblings can sometimes make sexual jokes, yes, but nobody regardless of closeness should be joking about causing you harm and doing anything to you without your consent. I do think, with the undressing, it’s harder to tell without more context, but it sounds like you may be picking up on a difference between your family members undressing in front of eachother out of necessity or habit, and your sister showing you her body. Did I understand you correctly there?

I’m sorry to hear that your parents were dismissive when you brought it up to them. Threats of molestation are definitely not just sentences, and they can understandably make people feel very unsafe. Too, I’d say it’s not just a sentence if she actually did touch you without your consent. Know what I mean? Do you feel like you could talk to them about the touching too, or is there another trusted adult in your life who you could tell?

I want to center how *you* are feeling about all of this, though. I hear you that you’re not really sure how to feel about all of it. Would it be helpful for you to talk a bit about how this makes you feel?

Hey, thanks for the response

There's not really any other adult I can go to other than my teachers, but even then I'm not sure if I should. I'm already in a bit of a dangerous situation at home and informing others about it can make it a bit counter-productive.

I've also talked to her about it on several occasions, but she just dismisses it and when she says she'll stop, she doesn't. She knows that I don't consent to it and knows how uncomfortable I am

And yeah, for the undressing stuff my family does it more out of habit than necessity. I need help undressing because of a mental disability, though changing in front of each other is normalised in my house for some reason.

I just feel ill in a way. I feel a little nauseous at the thought and I even feel guilty, though I'm not sure why.

Your feelings on this are valid and I'm sorry you're in a situation that makes you feel like you have to choose between different types of safety. However, you have NO reason to feel guilty. Though only you can definitively say whether it is sexual assault, harassment like this is never the fault of the person being harassed.

What can we do for you? Is listening and responding like this doing enough for you, or would you like some resources or articles that may help you?

it'd be great if you could provide some resources

I found a few for you! Let me know how you feel about these if you get a chance to read through them.

Blinders Off: Getting A Good Look At Abuse & Assault

Be Your Own Superhero: Learning How And When To Stand Up For Ourselves... with this one, I also want to mention that you not disclosing to other people is not a failure. Protecting yourself comes first, and if it would put you and your situation in danger to talk about this with someone else, your safety comes first.

My Father Isn't Respecting My Personal Boundaries. This one is an advice column that touches on boundaries with family member that you may find helpful and similar to your situation!