having fantasies i dont want?

[liamesecat]

I'm asexual and my girlfriend is too. We don't want to have sex.

Of course, I have fantasies from time to time, but they dont usually bother me, as they're usuakly vague and about faceless people. Recently, though, the subject of these sexual fantasies often suddenly turn to my girlfriend, which is distressing me, as I don't really want to have sex with her, but my brain keeps conjuring up ideas. I also feel like I'm crossing some sort of boundaries, even if I haven't told her anything. Is this wrong? Is this normal? I would really like some help...

[Sofi]

Hi liamesecat!
The thing about fantasies is that they are not necessarily a direct indication of what that person actually wants or how they would act in real life. It's common for people to have fantasies about something different than their real life situation even when they're completely satisfied and happy with their real life situation. They're just fantasies, and it's not morally wrong to fantasize about someone who's asexual. You're not acting on it, you're not pressuring her, it's just your fantasies and that doesn't cross the real life boundaries you have with each other. We don't love to use the term "normal" around here but yes, basically this is "normal" and not wrong. You love her and it makes sense she would show up in your fantasies and this doesn't mean you want to actually have sex with her, or are disrespecting her in any way. You don't need to feel any shame or guilt for this.
How does hearing all this feel?