Scarleteen

Hi there,
I just had sex with my partner and I'm regretting it. I'd like to ask if you have any advice on how to deal with these feelings/ what to do next.

Here's the situation:
I've been having trouble orgasming when my partner and I have sex. We've only really had manual sex so far, however today they went down on me. I thought maybe it would finally make me come. The problem is, we didn't use protection. I've recently had a negative self test for STIs and I am their first partner. The thing I'm most worried about is getting herpes/ giving my partner herpes as I know you can get it from cold sores and so many people have it. I realise this was a stupid and selfish thing to do. I made a bad decision in the moment because I was frustrated by not orgasming and I regret it. What should I do? I'm feeling overwhelmed by this.

Thank you

Hi Amelie,

I’m sorry to hear that you’re having feelings of regret and overwhelm. I want you to know that you’re not stupid at all. It sounds like you tested for STIs and they are your first partner, so you did do some planning surrounding safer sex and STIs! I think, too, given that your risk for other STIs is low from testing and no previous partners (and given how common oral herpes is), I wouldn’t say you made a “bad” decision. If you or your partner develops symptoms consistent with herpes, it might be worth testing, but for now I would just incorporate a barrier method like condoms or dental dams for oral sex so it doesn’t have to be a concern. How does that sound to you?

Hi KierC,

Thank you so much for your reply and advice. I've bought some protection so it won't happen again. I was wondering if you had any tips for how to handle feeling anxious about this while I wait to see if either of us have symptoms? The idea of getting genital herpes is terrifying to me and I can't believe I went ahead with it when I knew it would make me feel like this. I never normally take risks. Thank you again!

Hi Amelie,

I’m glad to hear you bought protection! Hopefully that will help alleviate anxiety in the future, but I hear you that you’re anxious currently. Could you explain a little why genital herpes specifically is so terrifying?

I want to send you this article we have as well, The STI Files: Herpes, as I think it does a great job as reducing the stigma and misinformation surrounding herpes. The thing about herpes is that for the vast majority of folks, it does not pose a major health risk and is often not severe enough to need treatment. Does hearing that help ease a bit of the anxiety?