Does healthy sexuality really exist or is it just an abstraction?

[CrazyBonobo]

Sorry if this is a weird question. These are things I've been thinking about.
I don't know if I believe in healthy sexuality as something concrete. It seems more like an ideal to be achieved than something that any human being actually possesses.
It seems to me that no one in the world is truly well-resolved in relation to this topic, and it seems to be too sensitive for a firmer hegemony of knowledge (from sexology for example) to be established as in certain areas of medicine, which leaves us with an atomizing and generalized relativism (and ignorance) of what is good or not in these matters. It is as if in this crucial facet of life everyone is lost. Like, it's much easier to determine whether my eyes or kidneys are dysfunctional than my sexuality. What's acceptable to one person is abhorrent to another, and what's pleasurable to one person is disgusting to another.

[Jacob]

Great question!

I think the way we use "healthy" is a mix of health research and values. We usually value people living happier, more comfortable and longer lives and so healthy kidneys are considered to be ones that let you do that, and research tells us what blood results and other symptoms indicate that they are working as they should for those valued outcomes.

So when we talk about healthy sexuality, we want some of those same things, but we're also often not just talking about individual outcomes but societal ones.

Mental health is similar, it's relatively universal that we don't want people living in misery, but there is definitely big divides between what a public health worker, or a community activist thinks is a healthy reaction to a discriminatory system, and what a private business employer thinks is an "unhealthy" need for paid sick leave because of depression/ADHD/anxiety/trauma you name it.

There are some pretty universal parts of healthy sexuality but I'd probably be remiss if I didn't admit that I care about equality and equity in relationships, freedom of association, freedom from abuse, freedom from judgement for having marginalised characteristics, and all of those factor into what I think a healthy relationship or a healthy sexuality looks like.

I also think it's very "healthy" to question what healthy is! In the way you are doing.

(And not to get to philosophical but I don't think it matters whether something is an abstraction, or real, those too are just concepts. I think what you value is more important than what you think meets your criteria for "realness")

[Heather]

I also want to add that this has long been a discussion in the sexuality field, because many of us agree that this is a more difficult arena to create benchmarks for (though I'd argue that a lot of ideas about what's "healthy" for bodies is ableist, so it's actually tricky, period, not just when it's about sexuality).

That said, have you seen this piece here? https://www.scarleteen.com/read/bodies/ ... evelopment

If not, I'd encourage you to take a look. I think you'll find that what's listed there is pretty universal and absolutely all things that can (and should!) be personalized as needed.

I do also want to say that I think the idea that no one could possibly be "healthy" or what you're calling well-resolved when it comes to sexuality isn't so sound. I'd say it often takes those of us who get there some time, mainly because it's so rare still for people to come up in healthy ways around sexuality in family and community, and certainly in the wider world, and generally some therapy or other kind of personal growth work are often involved, but I'm personally well-acquainted with a lot of people who have done the work -- and count myself amoung them -- and both feel and seem as healthy in regards to sexuality and their relationship with it as say, people can be when it comes to things like their cardiovascular wellness or mental health.

Heck, if I didn't think healthy sexuality was possible, there's no way on earth I'd have devoted coming on 30 years of doing the work to try and help people get there!