How to feel more comfortable during penetration

[Roseangel111]

So I lost my v in October and I haven’t been sexually active since because my first time was a mess. He couldn’t break my hymen and it was just torture for me.

I’ve been trying to help myself at home but I feel like nothing stimulates me. Is there a way to slowly stretch myself and ease up? I’m nervous I can’t have a normal experience

[CaitlinEve]

Hi Roseangel111, welcome to Scarleteen!

There are plenty of ways to work through painful stimulation. May I ask what you've been doing while solo (ie. are you working yourself up to whatever you're doing or just diving in?)? What works for someone else may not work for you; a lot of it is trial and error to find what helps you relax and get into whatever activity you're doing. For example, do you use lube or sex toys? Do you feel like your tightness and pain stems from more of a mental/emotional block or do you think it is more a physical problem?

Regardless of your answers (though they'll be helpful to know what advice to give you!), you CAN have a 'normal' experience! The problems you describe are not uncommon and you are not alone in dealing with them.

[Roseangel111]

When I’m feeling spicy I usually ball up a blanket and use it in between my legs for the friction. I usually just go for a finger after trying to stimulate myself with that but it doesn’t work.

I think it’s a bit of both mental and physical bc I’m scared of hurting myself and my opening is small.
I’m 21 and still at home so I think of it being awkward having to explain to family/doctor what happened IF I were to hurt myself

One finger feels like too much. Ive thought about toys/lube but I don’t get much privacy

[CaitlinEve]

I want to make sure that the reason you're looking to use more fingers isn't just to please a current or future partner! At the end of the day, there are other ways to pleasure yourself/be pleasured by a partner if fingering isn't working for you. What I'm trying to say is that if one finger feels like too much, don't feel like you HAVE to try more.

That being said, if you do want to try more, that's also entirely okay! I understand that you're in a bit of an awkward environment for this, but I think lube would be a good and subtle start to making the process easier for you. I recommend this article (Lube 101: A Slick Little Primer) for more information on lube, if that's something you're interested in exploring more!