Im not insanely attracted to the guy im seeing and I think im nitpicking

[NegativeFeature]

Hi there!
So I am a demiromantic, autistic, 25 year old woman. I am very inexperienced in relationships because I do not trust easily and I find it hard to open up and let people know me. I wasnt really looking for a relationship but I ended up working a few shifts with a guy I hadn't worked with before. He started texting me and though at first I was quite nervous the texting was easy, and I wasn't annoyed at having to respond like I often am when I have to text people. So fast forward and things are going really well! I trust him, i've slept over at his place and we have kissed though nothing more.

The problem is... he isn't exactly my type. And while I don't think he's ugly I just see guys who are more my type often. There is also a huge thing for me with age. Because of my inexperience (I have never had sex before) I have always been attracted to older guys and this guy is slightly younger than me. He is only a year younger but because im an early birthday and he is a late birthday he is only 23.

So when I think of both of these things I ick myself out and start mentally thinking "I can pull a different guy" even though I don't actively go out and date and I know this about myself! And there are things I'm attracted to as well, like he is tall, I love his hands, and his voice (makes me wanna go a lil feral ngl).

Is there anyway I can get through this kind of block? I feel like a lot of it is my brain trying to make excuses to run away from an unfamiliar situation and I don't know how I can stop these thoughts

[Heather]

Hey there, and welcome to the boards.

You know, I don't actually think that it is the way to go to try and make yourself feel differently about this guy than you do. Instead, I think that the better way to go is to honor how you feel. Not thinking someone is ugly is a really different thing from actually being attracted to someone and we really can't make ourselves feel attraction when we don't (and I don't think it's usually a good idea to try).

But I also hear you in that it sounds like you are saying that you're not sure if you're not attracted to him or not, because you aren't sure if this is about you just feeling unfamiliar. It does sound like there are some things about him you really like as well as some things about him that you feel attraction with.

So, how about this: how about you just give yourself some more time to keep getting to know him and to see how you feel over a little more time? You don't have to do anything you don't want to do in that meantime: if you just want to stick with kissing -- or you even want to pull back with it, and same goes for sleeping over -- you get to do that. If you don't want to define the relationship yet as being sexual or romantic, you get to do that. It just sounds to me like some of what you probably need is just some more time to be dating and figure out how you feel. The good news about that is that is literally what dating is, it's us spending time with someone to figure out how we feel.

How does that sound?