Scarleteen

hi! this is my first post on here. im 16 and i feel weird about my gender. all my life ive been surrounded by men. my dad has always been included in my life more than my mom, i’ve been friends with men all my life, every day media(podcasts or videos) i watch involves men and it’s confusing me. most of the media i consume is misogynistic in a way, and it makes me feel like i wish i was never born a woman ever. im not really sensitive and i can take a few jokes.. but its really affecting me personally. i sometimes have thoughts of transitioning but i dont want to mess any of my relationships with my family or friends. my grandparents wouldn’t be happy.. they don’t even approve me wearing pants. they give me dirty looks and constantly talk about how i should dress and be more lady like. my friends wouldn’t be supportive either, one of my bestest friends is muslim and the others publicly stated on how ‘nice homophobic’ they are.. (have no idea what that means at all) and if being myself really means destroying my closest friends and family, then i dont want that.. i simply just wish i was born a guy. i wish i didnt have to deal with pregnancy scares, periods, or trying to appeal to guys because i want at least someone to like me and desire me sexually. i dont know how to feel because i was raised that ‘being a man is superior, and if you are a woman, suck it up because if you transition, you simply are an abomination and never be seen as a man.’ i dont believe that of course... it just that myself being transgender worries me.. i really envy the people who can be themselves.. online and irl. i have a few online friends that are transgender but i dont want to reach out because im afraid, i have been referred to he before, and also being misgendered countless of times.. i didn’t really care. it felt right for me.. if i actually am transgender what will i do? everyone around me is either homophobic or transphobic

Hello Daisyutte, and welcome to the boards!

There’s a few things you’ve mentioned that I want to touch on here, but I want to first say that you can dress however you’d like regardless of your gender identity. If you’d like to identify as a girl and wear pants, you should be able to do that. But it sounds like there’s some folks in your community who are homophobic, transphobic, and just have some harmful ideas about gender, and it sounds like their comments makes it really difficult to express your identity how you’d like to. Is that right?

It might be helpful to briefly place the question of whether or not you’re trans aside, and maybe center this question as “How *do* I want to express my gender, and what are the ways I can safely do that in the space I’m currently in?” That might help give you a bit more freedom as you explore. I also want to send you this article we have on exploring your gender: Gender Confusion: Being Unsure Doesn’t Have To Be A Bummer.

I’m also hearing you that the media you consume is mostly misogynistic. Could you explain a little more about what that means to you? It sounds like there’s some revolving themes of misogyny that you see in your life (in media, in the comments from those around you), and I’m wondering if it might help to untangle some of the impacts of misogyny versus how you actually feel about your identity. How does that sound to you?