How to manage my anxiety?

[Ray_yay]

Hello Scarleteen team!

I'm gonna get straight to the point - I have had an insane anxiety regarding pregnancy ever since I started dating my boyfriend. Logically, I know that nothing we ever do together can cause a pregnancy (for example him fingering me or eating me out, and me jerking him off or giving him head), but whenever my period is even a tiny bit late, my brain seems to freak out, ignore all rational thinking, and skip straight to anxious thoughts like "oh my god what if I'm magically the only person ever who gets pregnant from this". I know this sounds stupid, but at this point no matter what I do, my brain eventually causes me to get insanely anxious, and sometimes I even end up starving myself (because I also wanna starve the potential fetus and make it die).
Is there anything I can do to get rid of this / manage my anxiety a little bit?

PS.: I'm gonna start going to therapy in the summer (there's a new free therapy service for teens in my town, where you can go to a licensed therapist anonymously without your parents or anyone knowing, which I think is really neat!! ), so maybe this could be something worth bringing up to the therapist??? I honestly don't know if they could even help me with this, because it just seems like such a strange issue...

[Heather]

Hey there, ray_yay. I'm so sorry to hear that you've been struggling so much with this.

This anxiety and fear -- it's called tokophobia, if you're curious, and it's actually one of the most common kinds of anxiety, which is hardly surprising, if you think about the world we live in, especially when it comes to pregnancy -- not only is absolutely something you can bring to a therapist, a therapist, especially those who can offer or refer you to more kinds of therapy than just talk therapy, is often the best person to work with with this kind of combination of fear and anxiety. I'm so glad that service is going to be available for you, and for free! That's just awesome.

This doesn't sound stupid, this sounds like this manifestation of anxiety, and you're right: even when your rational brain knows something isn't a risk, this kind of anxiety just doesn't care: it's often impervious to reason.

I will say this: starving yourself isn't a thing that would likely end a pregnancy, it's just likely to make you very sick and create potential health problems for you (and, were there actually one, a fetus). So, maybe at the very least, you can get your brain to get the rest of you on board to stop doing that.

Between now and when you can get that therapy will be a bit of a wait, so in the meantime, have you read anything about anxiety and some self-help people can do with it? If not, would you like some links?

[CaitlinEve]

Hey Ray_yay!

None of what you said sounds 'stupid'! Pregnancy anxiety is unfortunately SO common, even if it doesn't feel like it should be. Sometimes our brains twist things around until they make sense to us (for example, when I was younger I convinced myself I was pregnant even though I hadn't had any sexual interactions at all). Anxiety isn't unusual, but when it's impacting your life then it's a problem that should definitely be managed. You mention starving yourself due to your anxiety; I'm sure you know this isn't healthy, so let's see if we can find some better coping mechanisms for you! Reaching out like this is itself a coping mechanism, but you may consider doing extra self-care (like having your favorite food) or taking a moment to let yourself breathe when you're feeling anxious.

When I struggle with pregnancy anxiety, I like to review this article and walk through it as if it was a flowchart. It helps me 'track' my anxiety. There's also an article called Anxiety Lies which you may find relatable. I'll also link you to an advice column that touches on the issue you're describing! Finally, I want to offer you this article, which compiles a bunch of anxiety and mental health resources you may find useful: Anxiety and Other Mental Health Resources.

PS.: I'm glad to hear you have access to that therapy service, that's an incredible resource! I would definitely recommend bringing this up with the therapist; even if they can't help you with it, I think getting it off your chest with a licensed professional could be beneficial.

[Ray_yay]

Thank you so much for the links and support!! It's kind of relieving to hear that this anxiety is common, and that I'm not crazy for thinking like this lol.
I will definitely read through all the articles once I have time!!!
Once again, thank you so much

[Jacob]

Very common indeed. I'm glad we're able to help. Let us know how you get on with your reading!