I’m really confused with myself at this point.

[Epiphanyxx]

Dang it’s been months since I made my last concern here honestly..

So I’m here again confused on how truly who I am as a person.

Around October I have developed a crush on this dude in my school since I remember how he was really helpful and this was the time I thought oh I might be in the spectrum of being aroace but guess what! I maybe not..

I kept denying that I had a crush on him but for some reason I keep just having him on my head everyday like I’m not used to it honestly it was making me crazy! This was like my first crush in years honestly and I rarely have crushes. (I can’t even remember the last time I had one as it has been so long.)

By the time around January this year, I found out he had a girlfriend and I tried to tell myself at least you can get over that dude but nope! I cried over him for the whole term break until I went back to school looking really depressed. Luckily I did get over it as when I look back it is honestly goofy and funny but then again, it made me confused on my own sexuality and it makes me doubt which part of the aroace spectrum I am and I feel like a poser or a fake if I label myself around that spectrum but like at the same time I feel like I’m still around that spectrum but which one? One thing for sure most of the time I get celeb “crushes” but I know for a fact I will never date them and obviously I don’t see myself dating the celeb crush that I have.

Another thing, It’s so weird that I still don’t see myself dating someone despite having a crush like seeing myself in a relationship disgusts me? Was it just infatuation or an aesthetic crush? I still like the idea of romance but I still can’t see myself in a god damn relationship and whenever people mention to me about when are you gonna be in one I still get disgusted or like uninterested at all. I don’t know..

I really need help.

[Sofi]

Hi Epiphanyxx!

I hear you're pretty stressed out about this, which sucks because you're not doing anything wrong. When you say you feel like a poser or a faker for labeling yourself as aroace, but then you say you feel disgusted and uninterested in relationships, those seem to contradict each other. It sounds like you very well may be on the aro and/or ace spectrum, but at the end of the day, that's something only you can know. No one else can choose that for you, and you're welcome in that community even if you have a crush here or there - which does not make you NOT aromantic.

I want to send you an advice column on our site, the wonderful Mo answered it so well and I think it will be helpful here, particularly this part:

"When it comes to any sort of descriptive word or label for one’s sexuality, here’s something I think people forget sometimes: these terms exist to make our lives easier. They can help us affirm our identities, find a community of similar people, or just say “Hey, I’m here!” to the world. If you feel, at any time, that asexuality or aromanticism fit you, or that you feel better, in some way, as part of those communities, those labels are there for you. They exist to provide space and comfort, only as long as you feel like they fit you.

However, if you don’t feel a connection to those labels, if they don’t quite fit right, if the question of attraction feels on a gut level to be more of a hasn’t-happened-yet situation than a never-gonna-happen one, you don’t have to call yourself anything that doesn’t feel like a label you want to adopt. There’s never a point where a judge bangs their gavel and announces, “Sorry, you haven’t felt sexually attracted to someone by now so I pronounce you Officially Asexual.” You get to make that decision for yourself. No one else can make it for you, and it’s not something you have to take on if it doesn’t feel right."

Here's the link to the full piece, let me know if you have any questions or want to discuss it!
Should I consider myself ace/aro, or keep holding out for attraction?