I feel disgusted having Hypersexuality.

[RainyDay]

Hi, AMAB 17 here, I've been struggling with hypersexual for years, i've tried to stop but i keep doing it again. I didnt get SA or anything sexual related that could give me trauma, but i was exposed to unrestricted internet access since i was a kid, it's started when i was around 8 years old when i found out the existence of porn, and my parents told me that i have to be mature without explaining what does that mean and just keep telling me that while being angry because i did some things that were supposed to be normal for a kid, and when i discovered porn, i thought that was what it means to be "mature" and i started to masturbate and that was my mistake. i kept that mindset for years and thought it was what being mature means. until i was around 2nd grade in middle school, i started to realize that it ruins me mentally and physically. i tried to stop but i cant, i look for advice from internet, friends, and adults...they basically said i should just be more active on something else and exercise, i tried but it didnt work, that was when i realized im addicted to porn. but i kinda ignore it because i still had the same mindset despite everything. but now im in highschool, it keeps getting worst that i even watch kinks that i used to hate so much, i feel disgusted that i even do it with those, i know it was disgusting but it feels good, i cant stop. i realized that it wasnt normal addiction, i cant even control it, and i keep remembering my past self, i realized it was never just some addiction. i've always have been hypersexual. when i tried to stop myself, i feel unwanted urge to do it and ended up doing it, like i was out of control of my own body, it feels so mentally draining, i got ruined by myself...i even cried sometimes because i know i will never be normal. i just need some help maybe if there's even a way to help...?

[Heather]

Hi there, RainyDay. I'm so sorry you've been struggling so much.

Before I say anything else, can I ask if someone qualified has diagnosed you with hypersexuality (and if that is the language that they used) or some other language to indicate compulsive sexual behaviours? If so, can you tell me more about that diagnosis and what it involved?

[RainyDay]

Hi there, RainyDay. I'm so sorry you've been struggling so much.

Before I say anything else, can I ask if someone qualified has diagnosed you with hypersexuality (and if that is the language that they used) or some other language to indicate compulsive sexual behaviours? If so, can you tell me more about that diagnosis and what it involves?

I actually never got the chance to go to a psychiatrist, i wish i could...but my parents doesnt have that money and i dont want to be a burden to them...but i know that there's something wrong with me even though i dont know if this is me gaslighting myself or im not actually normal.

(I dont believe in self diagnosis...but maybe there's something that could ATLEAST prevent even further impact.)

Sorry if my english is bad

[Heather]

No worries, your English is just fine.

So, "hypersexuality" is actually a somewhat questionable framework, because it (and it's opposite, "hyposexuality") posits there is an "amount" of sexuality or sexual behavior -- like we could even measure that given all its different parts -- and that there is an amount that is too much and too little. But human sexuality is not only multifacted, it is wildly diverse and that just isn't a sound thing to suggest. This isn't a framework that's wildly used in sex therapy or related fields, and for some (myself included) it's also considered to be antiquated, on top of just busted from the front as a framework.

Addiction is also problematic in these arenas, since it's a framework meant to describe people's relationships with substances, specifically.

On the other hand, compulsive sexual behavior, a more measurable, less stigmatizing and more modern framework, is still something best determined by a qualified mental healthcare provider, but you can figure out if you probably have an issue with it yourself. If it feels like you are sexual in your behaviour or thoughts even when you don't want to be, even when you try not to be, then that's often compulsivity. And if that's happening for you, whether it's about sex or anything else, then the best way to learn to manage that is with a qualified therapist.

If that isn't within reach for you yet, there are some self-help tools and articles that can help get you started with learning to manage compulsive behaviour. Would you like me to gather some for you?