Scarleteen

I'm a virgin and have a reserved personality. I’ve never had any sexual experience with a boy, but I’ve been exploring my own body over the past 10 years through G-spot stimulation using my hands and by directing high-pressure water from a showerhead in a squatting position.

Now that I’m engaged and getting married in a few months, I want to learn more about the vagina and related topics so I don't feel unprepared or embarrassed in front of my partner. I've never been physically involved with a man, as I’m highly introverted. However, with time, I’ve started to work on becoming more open and confident.

Over the past 3–4 months, I’ve been wondering whether my hymen is still intact. I’ve read that using showerhead water for masturbation—especially in a squatting position or on the toilet seat—can sometimes break the hymen. I also experienced itching in that area at times in the past, but being introverted, I didn’t talk to anyone about it. That’s one reason I’m sharing my thoughts here now.

Recently, I’ve started learning more about the hymen and virginity. I used a mirror to check mine and noticed that it seems to be there, with no major tears.I found that the shape of my hymen is round. When I slightly stretch my upper vaginal lips, I can see that the upper two sides of the hymen curve slightly inward and meet toward the back, near the lower part of the hymen. Sorry if this sounds strange, but I tend to be very observant, and my mind always tries to solve things like a puzzle.In the last few days, I’ve also been wondering if inserting a finger into the vagina means the hymen is broken. During ovulation, when my vagina was naturally wet, I tried inserting one finger (without masturbation or arousal), first with my legs raised, then in a normal lying position. The finger went in up to the second knuckle without much resistance, possibly because of the natural lubrication.

Now, I have two main concerns and I'm seeking clarity for peace of mind, as I tend to overthink things:

1. Is it normal to be able to insert one finger into a virgin vagina without being sexually aroused?
I'm worried that this may have loosened my vaginal opening. Although it still looks the same and the hymen shape is visible, it feels slightly more open than before. Will it return to how it was?


2. Will my first PIV (penis-in-vagina) experience still feel like a typical “first time” for a virgin?
I’m wondering if my experience will be similar to what most girls feel during their first time, or if what I’ve done might change that.

Hi Babyangel97, welcome to the boards! Glad you found us and decided to reach out.

Before I say anything else, I want to ask you to forget everything you know about the hymen and "virginity". There is so much misinformation out there about this stuff (not to mention, virginity is a construct and not a real, tangible thing) and it does way more damage than good to read false information about it.

I want to share a piece from our site about the corona (hymen), please give that a read: My Corona: The Hymen & the Myths That Surround It


To answer your questions: yes, it is normal to be able to insert a finger into a vagina, regardless of whether they've had insertive sex or not. No, our vaginas don't stretch and stay stretched; there is no way to tell if someone has had sex based on how stretched or tight their vagina feels or looks - that's all fake and only makes people feel insecure about their body, and contributes to the culture of shaming women for having sex.

Lastly, there is not one way a "typical" first time having partnered sex feels, because there simply isn't such a thing as a typical first time. The experience varies for people based on a few things, mostly how comfortable they are with the situation and with their partner. Some people experience a bit of discomfort (note: it should not be PAINFUL), some experience no discomfort at all but not much pleasure either, others only experience pleasure, and so on. The experience is unique to everyone and it's not advised to place so much pressure on the first time having insertive sex, as there are other ways to have sex (including solo sex) and often, that pressure is what leads to people not enjoying their first partnered sex experience.

So, to give you some peace of mind, you did nothing wrong and nothing you've described is uncommon or concerning. Please give the article I sent a read, and if you have time, this one might be pretty helpful too: My culture insists on virginity: did I break my hymen with masturbation?

How does learning more about the hymen and the concept of virginity make you feel? Do you have any follow up questions for us? <3