Scarleteen

I'm 15 (16 very soon), cis female, lesbian, and autistic. I've never had a sexual partner, but I've been exploring my body with masturbation and sex toys for like a year. I've tried a lot of things to have an orgasm, including suggestions from scarleteen (fantasies, erotica, porn, techniques) but I just can't. There's really no pleasure at all even when I'm aroused. I've heard that orgasm feels like tension and release, and there's definitely tension, but when the tension goes away it doesn't feel like a release. I'm considering talking to a doctor but I want to be sure there's nothing I haven't tried. Also, would a doctor even take a teenage girl talking about sex seriously? I just want some ideas

Another note: I'm taking Lamictal, Latuda, and Simpesse 3 month cycle

Hi there kittyx2meowx2 and welcome to the boards!

I’m sorry to hear you have been struggling with this, it can be really frustrating to try so many things and not get the results we want.

First, I want to ask, if you don’t mind sharing more, what exactly do you mean when you stay there is no pleasure, that you can feel the stimulation but it doesn’t feel good? Or it feels good but not in the way you expect it to? Something else? And how does the tension you describe feel?

As for whether a doctor would take this seriously, I unfortunately can’t tell you whether yours will, but a good doctor would as they should understand that for a lot of people sexuality and sexual life are really important parts of their physical and mental health. And especially if you suspect that the medication your are taking or the conditions you are taking them for might play a role in this, it’s definitely something to bring to your healthcare provider. We can also for example help you brainstorm how to approach that conversations if you want!

Andy wrote: ↑Thu May 15, 2025 1:51 pm Hi there kittyx2meowx2 and welcome to the boards!

I’m sorry to hear you have been struggling with this, it can be really frustrating to try so many things and not get the results we want.

First, I want to ask, if you don’t mind sharing more, what exactly do you mean when you stay there is no pleasure, that you can feel the stimulation but it doesn’t feel good? Or it feels good but not in the way you expect it to? Something else? And how does the tension you describe feel?

As for whether a doctor would take this seriously, I unfortunately can’t tell you whether yours will, but a good doctor would as they should understand that for a lot of people sexuality and sexual life are really important parts of their physical and mental health. And especially if you suspect that the medication your are taking or the conditions you are taking them for might play a role in this, it’s definitely something to bring to your healthcare provider. We can also for example help you brainstorm how to approach that conversations if you want!

It really doesn't feel good at all. Stimulating, but not good. I really don't know how to describe the tension. I have pretty severe alexithymia so I can only use really vague words to describe how I feel

Hi Kittyx2meowx2!

Thanks for answering Andy’s question! No worries if it’s hard to find the words to describe how you feel. We can try to approach this in different ways to see if it makes the issue clearer.

I have a few more questions:

• With alexithymia, is it easier for you to identify physical changes/sensations compared to emotions? If so, maybe we could start by focusing on the former, and use that to draw conclusions about how you feel.

• How long have you been taking your medication? Have you noticed a difference in your feelings before and after you started it?

• Sometimes, when people struggle to feel sexual pleasure, it can be helpful to take a step back and think about physical pleasure in general. Can you think of some physical sensations that do feel good?

Latha wrote: ↑Fri May 16, 2025 4:30 am Hi Kittyx2meowx2!

Thanks for answering Andy’s question! No worries if it’s hard to find the words to describe how you feel. We can try to approach this in different ways to see if it makes the issue clearer.

I have a few more questions:

• With alexithymia, is it easier for you to identify physical changes/sensations compared to emotions? If so, maybe we could start by focusing on the former, and use that to draw conclusions about how you feel.

• How long have you been taking your medication? Have you noticed a difference in your feelings before and after you started it?

• Sometimes, when people struggle to feel sexual pleasure, it can be helpful to take a step back and think about physical pleasure in general. Can you think of some physical sensations that do feel good?

For the first question, not really. I have trouble differentiating between physical and emotional, and I never have the words to describe a lot of what I feel physically, especially sexually. I've been on Lamictal and birth control since I was 13, and I didn't start noticing any sexual thoughts until I was 14. I only recently started Latuda, but I was on Abilify before that since I was 11. So I really don't know about the meds. Not to mention that thinking about sensations in my body is kinda a trigger because for a long time on Abilify I literally felt like shit all the time and now focusing on my body at all kinda brings back that trauma. Really the only physical sensations I can think of that feel good are my sensory seeking behaviors, mainly cold (which is hard to get in Florida), essential oils, and soft blankets.

Hi there, Kittyx2meowx2!

I literally felt like shit all the time and now focusing on my body at all kinda brings back that trauma.

Oh, this is notable. If it’s hard to focus on your body without getting reminded of trauma, I imagine it might be difficult to stay present and unstressed when you masturbate. That is really important, and might explain why you’re struggling to feel physical pleasure, even though you do feel aroused.

The good news is that it is possible to develop a better relationship with your body after trauma - it can take some time, but many people do it. I think you’ll find that the results are worth while.

There are a couple ways to go about this, but I think an overarching goal could be to develop new, positive, and pleasurable associations with your body, and remind yourself that you are safe there. Your sensory seeking behaviors are great place to start - at least some of the time, try to be intentional about noticing what feels good when you do them. You could also try to find a fun physical hobby, and seek mental health support for medical trauma.

We have an article on pleasure and fulfilment that lists some more ideas that you could try. Would you read it, and tell us what you think of this?