Scarleteen

I had a friend (online friend) for maybe two years? I move a lot so I'm not able to keep friends for very long, so two-three years is like, the longest friendships I've had, for context. She was the first person to tell me I'd be a great writer one day, she had a nickname for me that only she used, and I looked up to her a lot. She was a spectacular writer, friends with all of my friends (That's how we met, I was added to a group chat), and I really looked up to her.
Recently, I found out that she's transphobic.
She made a post about how she 'doesn't support hate but also thinks they're unnatural' and started quoting the bible to show being queer is wrong, and said 'all the trans people I know are unhappy, maybe there's a reason for that', a lot of transphobic drivel I never thought she was capable of. She'd never disrespected my pronouns, the group chat I met her in was very trans supportive and filled with queer people (there were like 60 people total but maybe a dozen were active), and she only revealed her biases when someone asked her about it.
I reached out to her, told her she was being queerphobic and that it hurt, and then i asked her what counted as 'hate' in her mind (for anyone wondering she basically thinks being queerphobic is fine as long as you don't misgender people, tell anyone you're queerphobic, or support laws which make people's identities illegal) and she doubled down, saying she was sorry i was hurt but her beliefs are her foundation, etc, basically she wasn't going to change her mind.
That was mabe too much backstory but basically, I don't want to be friends with her anymore. I kind of let our relationship drift, but she still tags me once in a while in a tag game (which i normally don't answer when they come from her) and like, i never told her I don't want to be friends. I feel like, considering how long we were close, she at least deserves an explanation? (and maybe it'll be a wake up call on how her beliefs are hate, no matter what she says) And I want her to know, but then again it might be easier to just ignore her. I don't know what to do. Should I let her know i want no contact or should I just let the relationship sink?

Hi, Alok. I'm really sorry you had to read the things she posted, I can imagine that was difficult to hear from someone you looked up to and considered a friend. I hope you've been taking care of yourself through this, as that's what's most important <3

Whether you talk to her or just go no-contact is up to you, as there's no right or wrong answer here. On one hand, I think it's good to let people we're friends with or dating know when we're no longer interested in the relationship, as it helps give closure and that way they're not left wondering what's going on. That said, she hurt you and you're valid to want to protect your peace and simply move on.

While telling her might be a wake up call to her, as you said, it could potentially also lead to an argument and I just wouldn't want you to end up even more hurt. So it's really more of what you think is right for YOU and what makes the most sense to you given this situation and person. Does that help a little? <3

Yeah, maybe. I think I'm just going to reach out and tell her, otherwise i'll be left wondering how she would've reacted. I know her well enough that I can say that she won't lash out. Thank you for responding.

I just want to thank you for doing this Alok! It can take a decent amount of integrity to stand up to our friends when they've crossed a line. Good luck!