porn has changed me , im confused

[jameslee]

i have been single for 6 years and i have nobody in my life to talk to,i have been [removed reference] for the past week and all i have done is watch porn,i have started getting turned on by things i never used to even watch,i have also been on fab swingers which has shocked me beacuse i am a very shy retiring person,need to speak to someone cuz what i am doing has taken over my life 24/7

[Jacob]

Hi James!

First things first, we ask people not to use vpns or proxies when posting here, which you must be as your IP doesn't match your given location! Please switch to a normal internet connection before we continue! Secondly we'd ask that you don't come here to talk about illegal activity such as drug taking.

All that said, it sounds like you're having a rough time!

It sounds like you've had some more time on your hands since becoming single and while ruminating and web-surfing you've got yourself into a bit of a self-critical spiral around your sexuality, and use of sexual entertainment.

I think it's important to remind yourself of the agency & power that you have. It can be comforting, in a way, to say that porn "did" something to you, as it takes the responsibility away from you. It can certainly feel like you lack control, but that may not be the full picture. Instead, that internal conflict usually comes from your short-term desire for something pleasurable/exciting/comforting at a time of stress, clashing with your long-term desire to be spending your time in ways you think it "should" be spent. In a nutshell, it's more "you vs you" than it is "you vs porn".

Often addressing the underlying stress, and acknowledging/accepting the different needs you're trying to meet and the difficulty in meeting them all at the same time is the way forward... sometimes you have to remind yourself of the choice being made, and part of that might be learning to understand those parts of yourself a little better in the spirit of care and acceptance.

Have you had any support around mental health before? These would be really productive things to talk to a therapist about.

You can refer yourself to mental health support by going through your GP, or by finding a local provider and referring yourself directly using this tool here: Refer yourself for NHS talking therapies with more information here: Find NHS talking therapies for anxiety and depression.